singing in tune

graces from ASIA PACIFIC CLC

2006-07-17T19:48:00.000+08:00

yesterday marked the end of the asia pacific convention of the christian life community. i experienced the last day of the event. when we arrived at the convention center, they were having their final mass and it was the offertory part, wherein they are offering the graces they received. it was just so appropriate since i feel that i'm harvesting graces from the last week.

there were two major graces that i received.

i feel that i'm very proud to be filipino. i realized how much we can give to the world given what we can do as a people and as a nation. no matter how much negativity there is in our government or in our international image, we are still blessed as a people. God still gives us the graces we need and we should think of ways how we can be more of service to Him as a people.
i'm very proud to be an aclcer but apart from that, the AP meet, gave me a bigger view of what it means to be a clcer. God's work in the world is not yet done and we're still invited to join Him as co-creators for His greater glory.

there.

on the side, moreover, i realized how much i did not listen to God in my prayers, which prevented me from trusting Him a lot. inasmuch as i would like to have everything under my control, i realized how imperfect i am and that i should trust Him more. there i realized that those i have been tempted to control were already okay. now, i am seeing with new eyes.

your faith has saved you

2006-07-10T19:42:00.000+08:00

i got the title of this blog from the gospel awhile ago. the only thing i realized after mass is that i need to have faith in God more. what hit me further is the song version of prayer for generosity. damn... can't i trust more? where's the faith?

also, i am in consolation today after two bigwigs of the world clc visited our room. it was nice to know people from other ends of the world who share the same way of life as yours and what hit me is how they see hope in us, the youth, the young clc. it was a wonderful experience sharing with them different ways to live the same faith and the same way of life. i wish i could go to the convention of the asia pacific region. on the side, though, i could not believe how good i've become in speaking in english. hehehe...

well... last note. i have received news that one of my high school classmates was involved in a car accident in canada last saturday. honestly, i was shocked and i could not believed what had happened. but now, i found myself signing a scrapbook that will hopefully reach him there saying how much we have been praying for his speedy recovery.

rem, wherever you are (i know that there is this minute chance that you will read this entry), we, your classmates in h4c, are praying for your recovery. we are always here for you, no matter what you are going through and be strong because God loves us very much and he will never leave us. i know for a fact that he will never leave us.

damn... life is short and we must take care of it and live each and every single minute of it to the full.

PASKONG kay INIT

2006-06-21T21:22:00.000+08:00

well, what's with the topic? in my organization, i consider christmas to be a season not only of cold weather, christmas lights and caroling, but also it is a season of love. Christmas reminds me of love, but not just the love that the baby symbolized but also, the love that makes babies. hehe. Kidding aside, so far, it is just the beginning of the school year and damn, it's hot. but even though the weather will never remind me of christmas, everything that has been happening reminds me of the season of love and joy.

i don't want to give much information because i was entrusted with this. but, i would like to shout to the world how love fills our organization at this early point of our school year. hehe. ayan... pasko na naman ba?

by the way, i am somewhat scared but renewed. i have my reservations but i will be more confrontational and upfront when it comes to our formation. serious na 'to. i believe God deserves the best and nothing else.

IT'S BACK

2006-06-18T23:07:00.000+08:00

yes!!! i am now able to post again. because of my oc-ness, i had a hard time updating this blog. so what's up? tomorrow will begin the end of my college life. it's my last first day. yey. emotions are mixed - excited, worried, anxious, joyful and hopeful.

tomorrow, it's the first day. what do i expect? not much. it would just be the same going-to-class attitude but now, we have a solid tambayan for aclc. i have a home to go to every class and luckily, classes are not far away. sec c is the farthest. YES! so far, ugly random numbers never became an impediment to having a good class.

this sem... the schedule is almost the same as last school year's first sem... kaso may 730 na naman ako. ugh.

mwf (one class lang... baka masanay ako!!!)
psy 112 thesis, 1130-1230 in CSR, dr. cristina montiel

tth
psy 113 abnormal psychology, 730-830 in k302, dr. isabel melgar
th 151 christian commitment, 1330-1500 in f116, dr. arnie clamor
hi 165 philippine history, 1500-1630 in sec c201, mr. henry totanes
ph 104 ethics, 1630-1800 in f117, mr. ranil hermida

sat
is 136.3 human resource development, 900-1200, ms. kristina perez

gawdluck!

LECTURES and ONELINERS

2006-01-27T00:48:00.000+08:00

most of the time, these days, in an effort to be more sensitive and caring and to transform my image from the knowledgeable-possible-blackmailer to a knowledgeable-kind-helper type, i have developed a certain inkling towards giving advice or short "lectures." yes... yes... to those psych majors hanging around, i know giving advice is wrong but i'm looking at it not as a psychologist but as a friend and a part of the community. i would usually open with a line that goes, "i invoke the right of fraternal correction."

here is one of my one-liners:
"there is a clear difference between admitting to yourself how you really feel and what you are going to do about it."

admission is one painstaking process that one must go through, especially when the feeling is love. before we could go through with anything, we must be certain of what is going on within. then, you will stand up and fight for this admitted feeling. doing something about it is a whole different story all together.

there there.

SUPRISE surprise!

2006-01-27T00:27:00.000+08:00

actually, i'm quite surprised that i haven't blogged for 1 month now. well, i don't blame myself. for one thing, everytime i get to finish a successful entry, my computer would restart and unfortunately, the entry was not saved. another reason is the really, and i mean REALLY, heavy workload for me at least - aclc, ateneo, everything. it does not seem very obvious that i have tons of work to do because i'm a type b person and i seem to be in control but i think everything is taking its toll on me. whooooo... relax. one day at a time.

what's keeping me busy lately? everything. it's the whole discernment thing going on in my org. you know, discernment does not limit you to the decision you have to make. it involves everything about you as a person. you have to break down every single piece of yourself before you can make a sound discernment and that is exactly how i feel now. i feel that i'm slowly tearing myself apart and looking at myself piece by piece.

another thing, too many issues are circulating and too many things are going on in the lives of my friends. the only consolation i get is in talking to people i really love talking with. enzo, geoann, kevin, chel, and the list goes on. but, for the past week, thank you for bringing consolation into my heart.

more stress are coming my way. i can feel it. i can sense it. oh well...
ONE DAY AT A TIME!

just a quote from my guide:
"feelings and heartaches are easier to bear when you know that you have to bear them." - kris ambrocio

IMPULSE

2005-12-08T04:54:00.000+08:00

well, i have seen myself lecturing on this topic for the past month, might as well...

impulse - my definition: an immediate reaction.
impulsive - my definition: someone who does something out of his/her immediate reaction; reflex; usually, he/she acts before he/she thinks.

actually, this topic is very simple. i am impulsive. i am aware of that. however, there is something in me, now, that allows me to be more careful when it comes to being impulsive. i would often find myself in a difficult situation when i act out of impulse.

probably, we tell ourselves that it is human nature that we act out of these immediate reactions. for example, after a terrible date, a couple would decide to call it quits. as exaggerated as it may sound, this is a perfect example of impulse. no one thinks. contrary to the human nature that many people may claim, i think that there are many ways to fight this being impulsive.

one strategy i use is trying to look at the big picture. sidenote: i apply this to myself and to the people i usually share thoughts with. using the example i used above, when we look at its big picture, we can see that the couple just had a terrible date. this date may have caused frustrations but it does not justify for an immediate break-up. in these cases, i would hear rationalizations on how this might be a glimpse of the relationship. of course that is not true! when we look at the big picture, the couple should ask themselves: what do we have together? it would usually mean, a commitment to be with each other and to love each other. afterwards, they should ask themselves: does an isolated date carry enough weight to justify a break-up? how come? from here, people would usually see things more clearly.

what i mean here is in impulse, we're clouded by everything and anything under the sun. thus, our actions would tend to throw out or to take in EVERYTHING and ANYTHING under the sun. it's like the saying "throwing the baby with the bathwater." we easily conclude and thus, act based on this conclusion. we should be wary about this and try to avoid being impulsive as much as possible.

because in the end, impulsive behaviors have a tendency to be dangerous and hurting not only to oneself but most especially, to other people.

we don't want that, do we?

too BUSY to BLOG

2005-12-08T01:54:00.000+08:00

hay.

heto na naman ang pahirapan sa pagblog dahil marami akong ginagawa. actually, puro caroling ang inaasikaso ko. mahirap maghead. matindi-tinding commitment ang kinakailangan tapos hindi ka pa dapat sobrang uptight pero hindi nawawala ang firmness.

henakoh.

something to PONDER on

2005-11-25T02:01:00.000+08:00

i know that this was the theme of my retreat:
julius, do you love me?
"yes, Lord, i love you."
then, let me love you.

but before i can let him love me, he asked me to remove all my attachments (my fears, my ambitions, my wants, every attachment that i could think of). he asked me to offer them to him for him to be able to love me better. i did. that's why this retreat has become my richest retreat ever.

that's why i've been carrying this after retreat. this has been my disposition and my starting point whenever i'm talking with someone or i'm sharing with someone. probably because in my experience of God's love, God just wants me to be detached that i may be his fully. but, after thinking about it, i just have questions that i need to ponder on.

1. why do i feel that i'm not that afraid? is this good or bad?
2. at the same time, why do i feel a sense of freedom?
3. is it good to bring this experience to other people?
4. will being free from attachments and fears help or hinder other people from receiving God's love?

sorry for the burden. i want to ask these questions in order to face myself that i show to others. is it genuine or am i just being too superficial? am i too idealistic at this point or somewhat being realistic?

oh well...

CAUGHT

2005-11-25T01:34:00.000+08:00

well, here i am again
caught between many things.

where do i go now?
which side do i play?

nah... never mind.
let go. let go.
let God.

PSY 109.2 Laboratory

2005-11-18T14:37:00.000+08:00

yehey. this lab has an internet connection once again.
i'm typing this illegally while my teacher is administering a test.
oh well...

i love psych. i'm actually enjoying this.

BEHAVE

2005-11-17T00:50:00.000+08:00

Lord,
i beg for the grace that
i can behave myself
for i know that
sometimes i
tend to go
overboard.
Amen.

going back to WHAT'S important

2005-11-17T00:38:00.000+08:00

today was a grace-filled day. after finishing my one and only class, i had a wonderful time bonding with my orgmates. but, something within me remains restless. i feel that i am doing something wrong.

what was it? i had no idea.
maybe, as i told myself, it is all about who i am in the org. the hub. the knowledge center. the "chismoso." i must admit that i am known for this and sometimes, i could not help it. i could not get myself detached from this want, sometimes from this need to know. but, after short walks with enzo and geoann, after caroling practice and during the leadership community meeting, i find myself looking at what is important.

in aclc, what is important and what is very beautiful is in the formation - a formation that leads me with the community to a relationship with God, a formation that allows me to receive God's love and a formation that asks me to share these graces.

i find myself going back to what's important and i pray to God that as i venture on this new semester, i ask the Father to grant me this grace of remembering what is most important in my being an aclcer. now, i feel enriched and rejuvenated from an eventful sembreak - a sembreak that led me to question myself as i do things. hanggang patuloy ang pagpapabagabag ng mga tanong na ito, heto ang isang siguradong bagay na kaya kong panghawakan: ang aking formation bilang isang aclcer.

God's LOVE!

and then after REG

2005-11-13T01:25:00.000+08:00

oh the usual REGISTRATION blues.

good thing i did not prepare any ideal schedule for this coming semester because it was hell during reg. it was quite quick than expected but it was still slow. of course, because of my really ugly number 410 (as if i've ever gotten a better number), i came face to face with the worst schedule of my entire life.

MONDAY and WEDNESDAY
730 - 830 social psychology (jopie nolasco)
* for a nice subject and a good teacher, i got an ugly schedule. ugh. STRUGGLE! i will have to wake up very early for this one. i hate it.

TUESDAY
900 - 1030 history 165: rizal (fr. jose arcilla)
1030 - 1200 psychological testing (dr. boboy alianan)
1330 - 1500 philosophy 102 (precious de joya)

THURSDAY
900 - 1030 history 165: rizal (fr. jose arcilla)
1030 - 1200 psychological testing (dr. boboy alianan)
1330 - 1500 philosophy 102 (precious de joya)
1630 - 1930 industrial/organizational psychology (joy calleja)
*i'm scared because of fr. arcilla and the thursday schedule. i will try my best to work my way to load rev this ugly schedule and try to get rid of arcilla. hehehe. i don't know because i have two same teachers from last sem. i have a good reputation with precious but not with alianan.

FRIDAY
730 - 830 social psychology (jopie nolasco)
1230 - 1630 psychological testing lab (dr. boboy alianan)
* oh well...

but in fairness, i don't have a saturday class so i'm a normal student once again. sayang nga lang kasi ok daw si weevens ty. oh well. saka, napansin ko na nawala lahat ng class ko ng beyond 4:30. well, for MW, duh? for TTh, nawala lahat sila. so pwede akong magconcentrate sa carolling. haha.

there. my sembreak ends tonight. tomorrow, AREA and then, i sleep early. ugh.

IT'S OVER!!!

2005-11-11T01:14:00.000+08:00

nope. not the sembreak.

grabeng sembreak 'to. it has brought me to really great heights. as of the moment, i still could not swallow all that has happened to me. i'm thankful for all of them, though. i thank God for bringing me here and now and allowing me to feel his love.

it's over. it's out. everyone, now, knows.

DAMAGE control

2005-11-05T23:11:00.000+08:00

it suddenly occurred to me that i need to do damage control.

knowing too much inovles too big a responsibility. i'm very guilty with the mishandling i have done most of the time and now, i've tried to control myself more by transforming these information into a means to help people face themselves fully. aside from just plain information, a person reveals himself through these details. i want them to see what i see and just be true to who they are, what they feel and what is very much important to them.

now, i'm having big problems. i'm going to do damage control over information that lingers around the community. the problem is once two people is involved and the other party does not have any idea about what the other party has admitted to and this information is out, it will cause a great damage not only to the friendship but also, to the community.

hay nakoh. being an oldie and being a very aclc-loving individual, i need to do this.
please help me out.

p.s. i will publish my juniors' outing reflection once it is finished. haha. gustong-gusto ko na siyang ipublish noh. hehehe.

hindi ko kinaya...

2005-11-03T02:28:00.000+08:00

THIS IS ONE HELL OF A ROLE.
now, i'm drained... totally.

hay... PAG-IBIG

2005-11-03T01:17:00.000+08:00

heto na naman kami.
i'm sure you know what i mean.
everybody is into this frenzy called love.

and what about me?
i'm just their spectator.

onto the PROVINCE

2005-10-30T00:25:00.000+08:00

i'm really not fond of going to the province because, primarily, i have nothing to do. had i learned how to drive, i wouldn't have a problem there because i can do whatever just driving around town. if i'm at home, i'd rather stay home. i don't have anything to do. the tv only gets channel 2 clearly and the radio only has one clear station. it's not for the restless individual such as i am.

but now, i look at the province experience this sembreak as my break from the world. it's different from the retreat in a sense because i'm separated from the community i really care about, aclc. i think this helps me to view clc much more objectively and clearly. i can look at issues in a clear and unbiased way.

pakiramdam ko ngayon, masyado na akong engrossed sa mga nangyayari na tipong gusto kong balikan ang mahalaga sa pagiging aclcer ko, ang formation. hehe. corny as it may sound, i think aclc is aclc because of the formation that is so rich as it is rooted from shared experiences. there, God is moving me - moving us. i would like to use this time to look at the big picture and see how God is moving us with the things that are happening now.

well, i'm actually trying to convince myself that i will be productive there and not just sleep around and be lazy. hehehe.

wala pa ring paltos ang RETREAT

2005-10-25T03:35:00.000+08:00

aside from being showered with graces, the retreat is known to be the beginning of all beginnings in aclc. well, it's the time when people really get to think a lot aside from pray.

for this retreat? wala pa ring paltos... di pa rin niya ako binigo; marami pa rin ang nangyari. it will begin a cycle which will shine during the second semester, will have revelations by carolling and last ditch efforts will appear by evsem. hehehe... indeed, the second sem aclc cycle has begun.

matindi.

knowing TOO much

2005-10-25T03:26:00.000+08:00

now, i know too much. i don't know if i can handle this but i know i just want to know out of a loving heart. i promise that what i know, i won't use it against others. i just want to know to help if i can. i just want to know to deepen my relationships with them. it's up to them to tell me, but sometimes, i just know.

post RETREAT

2005-10-25T03:15:00.000+08:00

hay.

i'm still in my retreat high. i will post my reflections as soon as i finished my expe paper that's long overdue. hehe. hindi pa rin ako masanay na mabilis na ang lahat sa paligid ko at nasa mundo na ako ulit.

tahimik...

sa wakas TAPOS NA!!!

2005-10-15T23:43:00.000+08:00

i've never badly wanted a sem to end. EXCEPT NOW!

buti na lang natapos na. i can't believe it. i started the series of my finals the saturday before the actual finals week and i ended it the saturday of the finals week (it's not even an official finals time). grabe. well, i think this finals week really encapsulates the whole sem. nakakapagod. nakakastress. i really wanted the sembreak to begin.

oh well. finally! as i type this entry, my heart is pounding with excitement because tomorrow, i will, again, enter into solitude together with my community-mates with our God. nagparamdam na nga si God sa akin eh. hehehe.

hay. this last leg of the sem just made me much more excited. i'm really starting to feel the spirit of the retreat. lalo na kagabi. it was one of the most enjoyable evening of my junior aclc life. we had the traditional pre-retreat cba/get-together/fun-fun/happening or in short, inuman, at ani's place. wow! it was amazing. nag-inuman ang karamihan subalit di ako pwedeng maglasing like before (hehehe. sorry rinna!). i had to study for this day's test eh.

well, it turned out to be an event more than what i hoped for. MASYADONG MARAMI ang nangyari. hehehe. well, they weren't obvious but i sure did knew what was going on. hehehe. ask me if you want to know.

hay... i really want to go on with my story but, you know, i have retreat tomorrow and i still have to donate blood (di raw pwedeng magpuyat). tapos, still have expe paper (hindi pa tapos noh?) hehehe. oh well.

"i come empty handded, bringing you nothing but my desire to receive your gifts. fill my soul." goodluck on your retreat. - robbie paraan - aclc oac, 2004-05 (la lang. gusto ko lang ishare before i go on solitude.)

ready. get set. shhhhhhhh...
magnum silencium starts in 5... 4... 3... 2...
Lord, i'm here wanting to be with you again.

kailangan lang talagang SABIHIN

2005-10-06T01:30:00.000+08:00

taking a break from philosophizing...

grabe. i am really having a good week amidst the tons of work and tests to deal with. why? simple. aclc juniors! i'm lucky to be part of this group. today, i found out how strong our batch is. i found out how our batch is filled with potential even though we are really outnumbered. i found out how our batch springs an important essence of clc and the aclc.

don't get me wrong. i'm not trying to be cliquish here nor am i trying to say that the other batches are not aclc material or other statements of that sort.

what i am trying to say is that i never felt so comfortable as an aclcer. i never felt so comfortable that i belong to a batch that is strong enough to be frontrunners and to be leaders. this week assured me that when we take the load of being the eldest among the community, i believe that we can make it. we can pull it through. we can put things together. i can enumerate everyone in our batch and say how he or she can contribute to our community with his/her strengths and capabilities. ganyan ako kabilib sa batch ko.

also, IT'S NOT IN THE QUANTITY, IT'S REALLY THE QUALITY.
that's my batch. with great pride, i would like to shout out to the world,
"i belong to a very formidable aclc batch!"

hehe. parang ang yabang. pero yan ang nararamdaman ko - kaunting pagkamangha at pagkayabang kasi ang galing ng mga kabatch ko.

p.s. basta magaling din ang ibang batch. kakaibang pride lang itong nararamdaman ko ngayon. peace tayong lahat.

PBB addict BREAKTIME

2005-10-03T00:50:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry for this delay in blogging but don't expect too much. i just wanted to say that i'm really really hooked to the pinoy big brother. ayoko na. heto na naman ako. kaso nga lang, maraming kasabay na requirements for school so i'm sorry. i couldn't blog too much.

LOVE and its corollaries

2005-09-17T00:38:00.000+08:00

don't get me wrong. this is not the valentine's entry. nagkataon lang kasi heto na naman ang aclc. love love love na naman. had i chosen another appropriate title for this entry, it would be: seniors' syndrome at its height.

why?

after the celebrated love story of our oac, geoann, and fred, here goes the aclcers again at their best, in their most kilig moments. it seems like everybody is trying to catch up to that taken train and making sure it won't leave them before they graduate. haha.

funny thing is, it is way to early to do this. usually, the retreat marks the beginning of this "kilig" season, when everyone, especially the seniors, would come knocking on love's door and asking it to provide them love. moreover, the carolling season is the best time to share these love stories, love opinions, etc etc etc.

naaalala ko lang ang mga friends ko na adik na adik sa love. hi cams! haha. i would remember the starbucks talk on love and all its issues. i would remember singing love songs after straining our vocal chords with christmas carols. masaya siya.

but all these aside, why is it nice to share these? because, for me, it is the perfect manifestation that everyone wants to belong to somebody else. everybody wants to take care of somebody. everybody wants to get to feel that feeling of being in love, "kilig" and all that hullabaloo of being with someone you want to be with. sharing oneself ba?

pero, ang mas mahalaga, sabi nga ni fr. dacanay, kailangan hindi sa mga emosyon na ito sasandal ang relasyon. mahalaga ang commitment and responsibility.

wala lang. congratulations and long live your relationship para sa mga bagong umiibig. patagalin. pagbungahin (ehem...). palalimin. paigtingin.

God bless you all and your loved (hindi yung family) ones.

wonderful WEEKEND

2005-09-12T02:05:00.000+08:00

i think the past week ended in a wonderful note.

after that night of "tipsiness" and utter lack of control on my part towards alcohol intake, i actually felt very happy and satisfied. it marked a good weekend for me - a much needed weekend of rest in the middle of this hellish life as an ateneo junior.

saturday morning, although i felt the hangover, something that would make you lose focus on everything (and i mean it), i still went to my morning class. ugh. fortunately, it was not a very tiring session. it's the usual consultation and polishing of our final project. luckily, my group were called first. ah! but, we could not leave. why? one of our classmates celebrated her birthday and had pizza delivered in our class. 14 students and 1 teacher over 2 big yellow cab pizza and bottles of softdrinks. yes! you guessed it. i remember feeling like floating but when the food came in, it was no longer the hangover that made me feel like i was in heaven, it was FOOD. after eating, i was satisfied.

saturday afternoon, we had a recollection in acmg. it was a quite different experience because it was not the typical aclc or clc recollection or prayer gathering that i was used to. it was fun but honestly, it was more of lectures and talks and realizations on the philosophical level. but, somehow, i liked it. it gave me a venue to really reflect again and to really see my being an aclcer, clcer or an ignatian individual from a different light - the philosophical realm. my primary realization, however, is that it pays to be honest about your feelings. it helps you to understand how you are being moved and called. also, it is a gift to move from the philosophical or the intellectual to the affective and the experiential. i found that in aclc.

realization: i want to be like a child and fall in love all over again with God.

sunday morning, sunsem. it was a repeat of last year but i found it lighter. i can't say better because they're just as good. but, i enjoyed because i saw more faces and these faces seem to be very enthusiastic and excited about this retreat which i highly value in my aclc experience. je's talk was insightful and rich. bro's talk was simple yet hits the mark. i don't know with tj's but i think it's good. the icing on my sunsem cake: a good mass. thank you lord. can't wait for the retreat!

sunday afternoon: cba. it was really fun. i spent time with lots of clcers outside ateneo and in watching the ateneo game. it was good because we really needed that win. watching it with not only 1 companion but with many members of the community with you adds a whole new and better meaning to watching the game. more people with shared experience. we won! 69-66. i admired the energy of the people in the araneta coliseum. feu has been known not only as a great team but as a great crowd. i believed with our joined efforts and determination, our crowd drowned the ever so energetic feu crowd. i even lost my voice. galing talaga! the blue eagles were really well-prepared and hats-off especially to coach norman black and our mvp, la tenorio.

that's it. wonderful weekend isn't it? pero hindi na ako ulit magpapakalasing. haha.
thank you, Lord.

wasted...

2005-09-11T01:25:00.000+08:00

damn.

first time to be wasted. so that's how it feels. hehe. but i enjoyed it. it was one hell of an evening of bonding, music and drinks - traditional aclc bonding activity. i really am consoled. i felt that it was one break that i needed and i was looking for. i hope this is the spark i needed to keep me going for the rest of the semester that i really want to end.

senseless BLABBER

2005-09-07T00:32:00.000+08:00

i had this feeling that i did poorly in my cog exam. i hope i pass. damn. i should've slept instead of keeping up with the impeachment process in congress. buti na lang, expepsych and philo were very light. pero may biopsych bukas. ugh.

i'm still under that gary v concert hangover. galing! the best performer pa rin.

kung kaya kong iwanan ka, di na sana aasa pa.
kung kaya kong umiwas na, di na sana lalapit pa.
kung kaya ko sana...

ito ang tanging nais ko.
ang aking kahapon. sana maulit muli.

mahal pa rin kita... o giliw, o giliw.

bwisit na pagkatalo yan. WHY EAGLES? WHY!!!
hindi ko pa rin matanggap. bakit?

i missed area. first time in 2 years.

pls BEAR with ME

2005-09-06T02:06:00.000+08:00

i'm still waiting for this week to end.
please bear with me.

MIXED nuts

2005-08-31T00:45:00.000+08:00

today (on a personal level): wonderful!

amidst the stressful week, God blessed me with one beautiful day. it started out to be really stressful but in the end, i feel very much alive. this involves the things that happened to me personally, though. social events, ah... that's a very different issue.

so what happened?

i had my orals for philo. i'm quite nervouse because this is my first philo orals in filipino ever. besides that, this requirement will make up 20% of my grade. man! one orals can make you or break you. because of my stupidity, i started really reviewing at 3 am. that particular session ended abruptly due to sleep. i thought people at home would wake me up. BUT NO! so i woke up (consciously) at 9 am. my orals is at 11. i haven't had a good look at my readings. DAMN! i told myself. i had to skim through all 4 THICK readings just to make sure that i get the 6 thesis statements right. imagine the stress. IMAGINE THE STRESS!

i read and browsed through the readings. good thing, i highlighted the key terms and looked for them through the readings. i focused my attention there. i got through 3 readings. hurrah! i told myself. so i rushed to school and arrived there 5 minutes before 11. double-checked my sched. i wasn't up until 11:15. whooooo... sigh of relief. i have 10 mins to really take a deep breath and browse through the readings again. at the back of my head, i'm praying that thesis 6 would not be the one chosen for me. although i have the slightest idea what it means, i don't have the craziest detail from the reading to support it.

after going through the quick 10 minutes, i walked slowly to the consultation room, praying so hardly that i don't get thesis statements that i'm not confident with. i sat in the room, waited for my teacher. when she came in, she asked me to pick a number. ALAS! thesis 3. goodness! it's one of the easiest because i read and understood marcel. whooo... relief! i went through the thesis to the best of my ability. halfway through, my teacher started asking questions. i answered to the best that i can. PHILOSOPHY 'to eh. isang mabuting pagmumuni-muni ay katanggap-tanggap. i believed our conversation went well. not knowing whether i will be asked to finish the rest of the thesis statement (i can but i'm trying to avoid the democracy part), the time ended with the teacher telling me "ang bilis noh?"

i found myself smiling after the orals, happily walking back to mateo ricci.

well, this event somewhat made my whole day. even the LC meeting turned out to be a blast. it was a light and fun meeting. ganda.

for these, i thank the one who planned everything for me. THANK YOU!

on the socio-political aspect of today: WHATEVER!

i'll reserve my opinion until this whole chaotic episode in our politics reach a certain point of normalcy.

i hate it when i see both sides of the political battlefield end their political battles in a series of dramatic and chaotic show. admittedly, i trust no one in politics anymore. everyone is there to suit their own personal ambitions. what makes me more pissed at is how much they manipulate the events in trying to gain the support of the people. kanya-kanya lang yan at puro moro-moro na lang. what makes me more pissed at is how much they manipulate the events in trying to gain the support of the people.playing the walkout card. playing the numbers card. they're all the same. administration or opposition, you are your own masters and of course, power, money, ambition and favors.

i really dislike how the militant groups portray themselves as the voice of the people. i believe the voice of the people is sick and tired of this teleserye that goes in circles. people are sick with SELF-SERVING POLITICIANS protecting their own interests. people are sick with militant groups who never seem to be contented. THEY WANT ALL PRESIDENTS OUT! if they're not contented with this poor system, why join it? people are sick with media playing only the TERRIBLE FACE OF POLITICS.

people in this country want good news.
people in this country want hope from fellow filipinos who are exemplars and who are excelling in their own fields here and abroad.
people in this country want hope from fellow filipinos who are heroes in their own rights.
people in this country want stability.
people in this country want peace.
people in this country want good leaders.

GOOD LEADERS? that's a long wait.
sometimes, i would imagine having the whole country's congress eradicated. para naman mapalitan. grabe naman yan. paulit-ulit na lang. NAKAKAPAGOD NA!

wala ngang pasok...

2005-08-30T02:14:00.000+08:00

STRESS NAMAN!!!

i hope this sem would end. i thought that after last week, ayos na. HINDI PA PALA!!! kelan matatapos ang pagpapahirap? kelan? kelan? KELAN?

SPLIT

2005-08-29T04:35:00.000+08:00

first half of me: YEHEY! walang pasok. bakasyon. long weekend. relax

second half of me: BOO! can't go to the lib. can't get my readings. dacanay paper to submit this evening. no dacanay. philo orals still on tuesday. tons of things to do.

hay...
but, the good news, i'm slowly regaining my happy self.
pera bati.

SIMPLE consoling day

2005-08-28T02:48:00.000+08:00

alas! a day of consolation.
things that i'm thankful for:

a light psychlab class.
a wonderful and meaningful conversation with patty.
simple chat with bien.
nightly chit-chat over the phone with kevin.
a win by the BLUE EAGLES. go ateneo one big fight.
ym with cas and chris.
lastly, deep awareness of my emptiness and realization of the missing piece in my aclc life: GOD's LOVE.

lord, thanks for reminding me.

HOW do i KNOW?

2005-08-27T01:25:00.000+08:00

i have a feeling that i have a certain talent.
TO KNOW. a basta alam ko na 'yan.

background: probably, it's my personality to be connected to other people's lives. i easily get affected by little stories happening, especially to the people i really care about: my friends. i get entangled in their web of their hearts' joys and pains. i get sucked into the blackhole of tsismis. in the end, i would want to feel needed - the shoulder to cry on, the psychologist, the joe d'mango, the adviser, etc.

from this background, i probably developed my skill of knowing. to substantiate further, knowing here does not mean something pertinent that would add to our stock of knowledge through studying, reading books, listening to lectures, etc. knowing, in this sense, involves the not-so-important knowledge, especially of people but these knowledge is the most juicy one.

the talent: the talent is involved with knowing without getting caught, fishing information without asking it directly. magpapaliguy-ligoy para makaipon ng datos. all possible non-academic, sometimes non-ethical, research methods would be used to gather the juiciest stories one can ever find. kulang na lang, ipublish sa tabloid at ifeature sa the buzz. i had develop a knack for these.

included in the juiciest information are the new love teams, brewing crushes, likes and loves, new issues between people (good or bad), possible causes of conflict, likeable people, hateable people. these information-gathering talent is very helpful in seeking "evidence" to corroborate my newly discovered ISSUES.

when asked, "paano mo nga ba ginagawa?" i would simply share techniques. the easiest being: reading between the lines. people would tend to include thousands of messages in a simple sentence. how would you know? the manner of delivery, body language, sentences before and after, conversation premise, possible intent in saying. there are many clues leading to those hidden messages. one must be aware of those rather than the concrete statement to be able to understand. there are many other ways but i don't want to further elaborate on them. hindi naman ito ang point nito.

point: i have realized that this has been part of my system. i get so easily distracted by possible sources of information and luckily, i have somewhere, or should i say, someone with whom i can share it with. i won't disclose names. baka tawagan niyo bigla tapos magtanung-tanong kayo. long before, i believe that it was simply out of my curiosity but now, it is also part of my desire to be in control and my need to be needed. i have to take part in other people's lives to fulfill myself.

sometimes, it is fun to do: unravelling the mysteries of a hidden feeling deep down towards another while the rest of the world don't know anything about it. the good feeling comes in when you know you're the first one who finds out and has the capacity to share it with other curious ones. but sometimes, it isn't. it's too overwhelming and the responsibility is way way GREATER. yes, this style may work but once you open the pandora's box of altruism. there's no turning back. everything depends now on how you handle the situation and in how you, as the third party, take part in the issue.

but hey, i'm not your typical chismoso. i would not tell or share what is not right. i would gather information that would be well-corroborated and truthful. oftentimes, those that remain in the speculation level would remain with my good friend and middleman with whom i share my theories.

ps. i promise. i would share my secrets in knowing in the coming entries.

side notes

2005-08-27T01:18:00.000+08:00

kumbaga sa misa, heto ang mga announcements.
kumbaga sa tv, heto ang commercials.
kumbaga sa magandang umaga pilipinas, heto ang mga batian (yung may busina ng barko).
kumbaga sa buhay, time out muna... tama na muna ang seryoso.

happy birthday SELANGE and JOFEL. sana'y lumaki pa kayo. haha.

mahirap magmention ng pangalan dito sa blog. kahit kating-kati na akong gamitin sila, HINDI PWEDE. hirap talaga. sila pa naman ang aking reference point sa aking pakikipagsapalaran sa meron.

ACK. speaking of which, l*nt*k na meron yan. MERON! MERON! MERON! lunud na lunod na ako sa pagmemeron. meron pang PSYCH! kailan ba matatapos? ayoko nang mag-aral pero ayoko pang magtrabaho. haay...

maganda ang mtv pilipinas. kahit hindi ko natapos, oks lang. boring nga lang ang mga spiels pero astig ang performances. oh well... till next time na may libre ulit.

masaya ang basketball kanina. masaya rin ang acmg kanina.

BLUE EAGLES, i'm proud of what you've accomplished so far. good luck bukas. GO ATENEO! ONE BIG FIGHT!

zo that's it.

nagMEMERON

2005-08-25T01:14:00.000+08:00

ngayon, nakikisangkot ako sa tawag ng meron. sabi ng meron na dapat ko siyang maunawaan sapagkat may papel akong isusumite bukas. haha. "ang papel ng pilosopo sa panahon ngayon ay bigkasin ang meron."

o ha?!

thanks to big brother for some past time.

today

2005-08-24T00:49:00.000+08:00

congratulations to the aclc iac basketball team! kahit hindi natin napigilan ang magaling nilang player, ayos lang. wala tayong magagawa. magaling talaga. pero isa lang ang nilamang talaga natin sa kanila. sa atin, lahat tayo gumagawa at nagtatrabaho. CONGRATULATIONS!

i believed in the hardwork of my groupmates in our physio psych report on sexual behavior. however, i felt the i-must-be-in-control feeling and felt somewhat the i-could-have-done-better-had-i-been-part-of-the-presentation-team feeling. oh well, minimal participation. i'm sorry to all of you.

argh! cut again in philo. PRIORITIES!!!

why can't i wake up that early on tuesdays or thursdays? aaahhh! had to cram my cog paper and had to skim through my physio notes. LAHAT HULA!

masayang kasama si bro. errol sa meeting. he adds life. and i'm just looking forward to teh community activity tomorrow. sana ok siya. sana makabond namin talaga ang mga members ng aclc community. oh well.

i have to catch up on my aclc. i feel that i'm way behind. i feel that i've lost many of my aclc self. AGH! i have to lose this i-have-to-be-in-control self. i have to. i have to. note to self: i don't want to push aclc to something they do not have a full understanding of. mahirap ipagtulakan sa kanila ang isang bagay na alam nila pero inaasahan mo lang nang walang pasabi. it can't happen all the time. it can't be expected.

sana hindi kayo mahalata. kayo ha. yiheee... nakoh! bata pa 'yan.

heto... nasa pagitan pa rin.

thanks to MARKY

2005-08-23T00:45:00.000+08:00

oy marky, kung produkto ka, dapat may bayad na ako sa gagawin kong ito dahil naipromote na kita. hahaha. pero gagawin ko pa rin.

siguro, sa loob ng ilang linggong ito at lalo na sa nakaraang weekend, halos ikaw lang ang pinaka-nakakainteract kong tao. haha. pero ayos lang. MASAYA naman eh. gusto ko lang magpasalamat kasi kahit na ganito ako ngayon: malabo, between consolation and desolation at punung-puno ng magugulong pag-iisip, nakinig ka. alam mo, ikaw lang ang nasumbungan ko, nahingahan ko at nakakwentuhan ko ng maayos this week.

salamat.
sa dinner.
sa basketball game.
sa areareps' dinner.

sana maulit! haha. masayang makipagkwentuhan lalo na't magkaiba na tayo ng ginagalawan at iba na ang ating pagtingin sa ating mga nakasanayang gawain. hehe.

thank you. ulitin natin. ako naman ang babawi.
julius "kuntento na sa simpleng hapunan" porqueriño

i MISS being an AREAREP

2005-08-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

another late entry. here goes.

after looking at the picture that marky gave us, last year's areareps, that was placed in a nice frame, i can't help but look back. why did it feel wonderful to have a reunion? what did we do back then that made us this close as areareps? why were we looking forward to this amidst the rocky year that "our aspect" experienced last year?

last saturday's reunion was fun. it was really fun. i experienced an unexplainable feeling of consolation. although i'm at the stage when consolation is very difficult to acknowledge, i know that deep within me, i am experiencing consolation. last saturday's get together was really something that i will keep forever.

cheesy as it may sound, it's true. for one, it is very difficult to have reunions like these because people like marky (the apostolate head) and cherub (former tres arearep) have work and we, the rest of the areareps, who are still studying have other responsibilities within the school and the org. another reason is that it was nice to look back - to look back at the year that we were colleagues, better yet, friends. yes, it was hard and desolating (the apostolate situation last year) but i believe, the relationship with each other and the cura personalis of our leader, marky (yes!), sustained us and kept us going.

everytime i look back, i only remember encouragement, exchange of ideas, support and the fun times that we had as area reps. hindi ko maikakaila kahit mahirap, masayang maging arearep lalo na't katrabaho mo hindi lang ang isang mahusay na area pero ang isang pangkat ng mga pinunong napakabubuti at napakagagaling. i miss to be part of that group as a cosupporter, coencouager - as a co-arearep and co-apostolic leader.

that all i missed.

when marky handed us his little gifts: a picture taken during evsem05, photoshopped with our names and the label area reps 04-05, and mounted on a picture frame, i can't help but feel touched and at the same time, sad. that "awww" moment, or when-you-want-to-burst-into-tears moment, was caused by a sudden flashback of that wonderful year with these people, the areareps.

thanks for that wonderful year that we recalled through a simple lutong-bahay dinner, videoke moment and chat. kahit sa sandaling panahon (3 minuto, hehe) tayo nakumpleto, hinding-hindi ko yun malilimutan. isang ulit pa!

thanks kimmy.
thanks bam.
thanks lloyd.
thanks kim.
thanks cherub.
thanks ani.
- and -
thanks bossing marky.

what a night! i love you guys. salamat sa pagpapaluha sa akin.

SPAM comments

2005-08-22T23:29:00.000+08:00

kevin syling!

tama ka. may spam comments na rin pala ngayon.
"nice blog you're having, you might be interested in blah blah blah... you might be interested in blah blah blah... visit our site blah blah blah." hahahaha.

oh well.

mission: SELF-AWARENESS

2005-08-18T00:59:00.001+08:00

i'm on my personal mission
of self-awareness;
not only through my eyes,
but also, through
friends,
community,
feelings - joy and consolation,
anger and frustration,
emptiness,
fulfillment,
bubbliness,
stress;
everyday experiences,
everyday stories
everyday learnings.

ME.
to be aware of me.
to see me.
because i don't know
who i am and
who i am trying to become.

mission starting
in 5... 4... 3... 2....

COUNTING CONSOLATION: an overdue entry

2005-08-18T00:31:00.000+08:00

here goes my overdue entry.

first and foremost, i would like to welcome bro. terence to the online blogging community. i'm looking forward to read your sharings, reflections, thoughts and feelings. again, welcome!!!

entry title: why?
last saturday evening, we in aclc had our annual family night. a night when we bring our families to meet aclc and introduce them to this way of life that keeps us from going home most of the time. ever since my bad experience of handling this same activity last year (no support from most members), i must admit that i was quite apprehensive with the way things might turnout for this year's family night.

i was quite surprised. the venue was well-prepared. the weather was nice. many members started to come in, with their parents, the food came in early, the people were well-dressed. i was amazed. i could not believe my eyes. i was actually excited for that activity.

prior to the activity, moreover, i asked the services of the acmg choir (which i am a part of but not a good choir member yet, hehe) to sing for the mass. also, i would like to introduce them to activities of aclc to share with them who we are in the same manner we are sharing this identity to the parents. actually, i was also excited because for the first time this year, i'm not going to play guitar for the mass and we're going to have a group singing for our mass. this was another source of excitement.

before the activity, i was quite nervous since our service did not arrive yet to pick us, the choir and me, up. fortunately, aaron and his family decided to meet up in xavier hall where we are waiting. oh my... what a relief. we arrived there just on time.

the mass was perfect! fr. ari had a beautiful homily and i felt that he felt at home with the activity since, according to him, the family night started during his time in aclc. i think it brings back memories. also, i believe that fr. ari enjoyed himself during the evening.

fr. ari was not the only one who enjoyed the evening. acmg enjoyed the evening. members enjoyed the evening. but most importantly, i think the parents also enjoyed the simple program prepared for them. ACLC at its best presented to our loved ones. munting salu-salo, konting katuwaan at masasayang kuwentuhan. this was that night's theme, i believe. GALING TALAGA! simple lang pero masaya; hindi mabigat.

CONGRATULATIONS and HAT'S OFF to those who prepared for this wonderful evening. i think God was really working with us and in us last saturday evening and is reminding us, more of me, that He is always with us as long as we put our faith in him.

GOD's LOVE!

STUPID!!!

2005-08-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

WHY?!!

i'm such an idiot.
got stuck in the quicksand of curiosity.
i find myself very dizzy.
dammit!!!

my my...
oh well. what i discovered did not help at all.
it's all senseless rants.
hehe.

let go. let go.

by the way, this is not a poem. haha.

STRESS!!!

2005-08-16T00:34:00.000+08:00

i'm in the stress zone again. i can't help it.

hakuna matata.

i became more open when i did let go

2005-08-13T02:20:00.000+08:00

before i can prescribe, i have to do it myself.

i did let go.

i became more open. i found out lots and lots of things. everything became clear now. i thank you lord. thank you very much.

inordered attachments

2005-08-12T01:03:00.000+08:00

i'm surprised at myself. knowing that i'm a heart person, i'm the usually attached one. now, it seems like i am one of those who are really trained to see an attachment towards something and that this attachment hampers anyone's growth or in the ignatian sense, it interferes with being truly free such that God can work his way in us; can deepen his life within us.

sometimes, i wonder, though. when i really feel desolation towards attachments, am i just projecting? is this what i really feel? nagagalit ba ako sa attachment na nakikita ko o ako mismo ay attached? maybe i feel this way because i would usually want to feel needed, important, special. however, when i find myself seeing someone who would act and be the same, i'm usually frustrated or in some case, envious.

knowing myself now, i know, somewhat, when the feeling is really authentic. attachments that do interfere with God's deepening His life in us does not affect one person. it also affects other people, especially in the setting of a community. if one person is attached towards a thing, for example, an ambition, and sets his/her eyes on it, all of his/her decisions would revolve around that attachment. in the setting of a community, he/she will not be able to contribute if what he/she has to do does not involve that attachment.

just like letting go of someone you love but it does not really work out, i believe all attachments (inordered at the least) should go. for real consolation, easy or hard, to take place, these must go.

in line with that, i'm letting go of my inordered attachment, which is being a person always in control. baby steps towards my growth in God.

i'm sorry. i'm reaching out.
please. please. LET GO.

rainy DAYS and MONDAYS

2005-08-09T00:39:00.000+08:00

RAINY DAY and MONDAY all in the same day, although i'm not down.

i just had this feeling of being disturbed and at the same time, i felt that i was so busy that i became very unproductive. but really, this day seemed to be a very busy day even though i had only one subject (my favorite one, take note). i still felt that stress. maybe it's just being an atenean that makes life difficult as a student.

anyway, after reviewing my day, i just had to share with my SD all that i felt. this feelings have been piling up since last week and i think it's about time to vent them all out.

here are my realizations:

i have been feeling frustrated over many things lately. primarily, i don't see God in the usual places i see him. i realize that he is the one who has been looking for me. also, i should wait for him patiently in the soft breeze or in my terms, the little things/graces/good that he has been blessing me with.
it's good to have a fallback org or group. it's nice to be different somewhere else. you get to share your spirituality with people.
i really don't like result-orientedness. i hope it will change.
desolation came in as a result of inordered attachments brought about by previous incidents. hmmm.....
i love singing mass songs!
it's nice to be with people and taking care of them. they're the primary sources of my consolation these past few days. some people were my sources of desolation, though. anyway, love them still.
i liked how kim thought out of the box and how she felt disturbed. it's being honest with oneself and knowing what one truly desires in what she does. galing niya.

oh well. a rainy day and a monday, but i'm not down. i just feel very much liberated.
that's it.

happy birthday FRAGGY!

2005-08-07T02:27:00.000+08:00

it was a grace-filled evening of laughter, bonding and friendship.

fraggy's birthday party became a venue to strengthen ties and friendships, reinforce existing bonding among batchmates and all the mates in aclc, and most of all, to celebrate life (as seen in fraggy) with everyone in the community. it was a wonderful experience of sharing these evening with everyone present. kay saya!

except... :-)
let go, let GOD.
i don't necessarily like it, but i would love you still.
you're part of the community i committed myself to.

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY FRAGGY!!!

FRIDAY night

2005-08-06T02:03:00.000+08:00

here is my friday night summary.

experimental psych write-up: STRESS! pero no worries. hakuna matata. erica, sorry kung nastress ka. : )
fr. dacanay quiz: i did not expect his question. he told us to study mark but he asked something from our notes. ugh. he caught us by surprise. buti na lang, namigay siya ng 4 last wednesday.
ic with geoann: masaya. geo, sarap makipagkwentuhan. ulitin natin. dalas-dalasin natin. woohooo!!!
first friday mass: grace-filled. nice homily. napasama ako sa choir, take note. hindi ko alam ang voicing kaya melody ang kinakanta ko sa side ng tenor na hindi ko voice sa acmg. o ha.
acmg post-mass salu-salo: saya pala after ng mass. BUSOG!
aclc basketball: wala lang. pampalipas-oras. masayang panooring magbasketbol ang mga kaorg natin. hehehe.

just like to mention something in ambiguity
(gusto ko lang ilabas sa puso ko):

"i hope you will understand. i thought that i had forgotten everything. no. i am still not ready to face you. i am still asking God to give me the strength and the courage. maybe next time. maybe next time. as soon as i'm ready, i will face you. i promise. i hope you will understand."

bioPSYCH hell

2005-08-04T00:15:00.000+08:00

nakakaawa lang talaga teacher namin pero nagrerebelde lang talaga ako sa subject na'to. i don't know. i don't really have that knack for those hard sciences. ugh. i hate bio psychology. mahirap na magtest, the whole content is uninteresting.

in fairness to my teacher, he is trying his very best. kahit na nakakatulog ako sa class niya, mabait pa rin siya. oh well. yun lang.

BAGSAK!!!

refurnished LAYOUT

2005-07-26T04:49:00.000+08:00

yehey. got time to fix this layout. yahoo!
oh. by the way, our music video is out. can't wait to see it.
porqi out.

beautiful POEM from a friend's BLOG

2005-07-26T04:17:00.000+08:00

Missing the Hill

Down from the Hill
Down to the world go I
Armed only with will
And passion to live and die
How scary the world is below
Where we were carefully thrown
To go forth, spread, and to follow
The path each has on his own
Silent steps thread on land
Now solely we carry our cross
Through hot, wet or bouldered sand
We make our way across
Gathering strength from Lord above
We take it day by day
The mission to go forth and to love
In every simple way
Behind us where we took our fill
We hear a jubilant sigh
'Cause slowly now, down from the Hill
Down to the world go I

~ nice noh? visit her poetry blog.

when LOVING means LETTING GO

2005-07-26T02:27:00.000+08:00

katatapos ko lang manood ng boston public. the episode featured the relationship between a teacher and a student that became more of a parent-child relationship. i won't elaborate on the episode but it zeroed in on the death of that student in iraq as a soldier. steven harper, after hearing the news, felt crushed for that student was like his son. and the story went on.

after watching, i found myself wiping my face of tears.

it's funny how a series of events, though they may not be connected at all, may lead you at one direction. i find myself in that situation. at this particular moment, after much reflection and introspection, i realize that these events point to this particular theme.

when loving means letting go.

such a cliche. lagi kong naririnig ang statement na'to tuwing pinag-uusapan ang pag-ibig na involved ang kilig. sasabihin nila na if you love that person, you must be ready to let go, especially if it means his/her growth or better yet, happiness. paulit-ulit na lang, di ba? lagi na lang ganito ang sinasabi sa atin, para bang hinahanda tayo sa maaaring pag-alis ng taong pinagbuhusan natin ng atensyon at pagmamahal.

ngunit, kahit cliche siya, kailangang harapin ang katotohanan kasi pag umabot tayo doon, wala tayong magawa kundi bansagan ang ating mga sarili bilang mga martir. ngunit, hindi naman tayo likas na bayani, lalo na't likas na santo kaya bakit tayo magiging martir? nagkataon umabot tayo sa punto kung saan sinusubok ang ating pagtataya. hanggang saan natin kayang magbigay? hanggang sa puntong kaya mo nang ibigay lahat maging ang kanyang kalayaan?

tanong: bakit pa ako magtataya sa simula't simula pa lang? e kung wala rin naman palang kasiguraduhan hetong papasukin ko, bakit pa? sayang naman ang gugugulin kong panahon at pagkakataon sa kanya.

PAGTATAYA. parang sugal lang yan eh. commitment. sa sugal, tumataya ka sapagkat nagbabakasakali kang mananalo, ngunit sa likuran ng iyong pag-iisip, alam mong may posibilidad na matatalo ka. ganoon talaga. bigay lang nang bigay dahil dito ka talagang tumutubo at hindi ka lang naman nagtaya para sa sarili mo kundi maging ang buhay niya ay tinayaan mo. nagtaya ka para sa kanya. sisiguraduhin mong tumutubo ka. gayundin, sisiguraduhin mong tumutubo siya.

ganun ang pagmamahal eh. pero hindi lang ito para sa pagibig sa pagitan ng lalaki at babae. pati sa magulang at anak, sa magkakaibigan, sa isang samahan. PAGTATAYA ang hinihingi. pagsusugal sa pamamagitan ng pagbibigay ng sarili para sa pagtubo hindi lamang ng isa kundi ng lahat.

naalala ko lang dito ang Diyos. nagtaya siya sa tao dahil mahal niya ngunit alam niyang maaari siyang talikuran nito. pero, di niya ito inalintana. nagmahal siya. nagtaya siya. hanggang saan ang kanyang pagtataya? hanggang sa pagbibigay ng kalayaan sa ating mahalin siya pabalik. ganun.

dito pumapasok ang napanood ko kanina at mga pinagdaanan ko. i've realized the value of commitment as a central factor in experiencing real and genuine love. ngunit hindi lang basta-bastang pagtataya. tunay na pagtataya ang hinihingi. isang pagtatayang kayang magbigay ng lahat kahit pa kalayaan ng iyong pinagtatayaan. mahirap. masakit. kaso, nagmahal ka. pinasok mo yan kaya kailangang tanggapin.

gusto ko lang sabihin na napupuno lang ako ng tunay na pagdanas sa tunay na kahulugan ng pagtataya. lahat ng nangyayari sa akin sa mga nakaraang araw ay nakaturo sa direksyong iyon. marami sa mga nabasa ko, sa mga napanood ko, sa mga naranasan ko, patungo rito -- sa pagtataya. pero hindi lang pang-unawa ang taglay ko, mayroon din akong mga karagdagang tanong. hindi ko naman susubuking sagutin.

paano kung umabot sa puntong pati ang buhay ng isa ay kasali? handa pa ba tayong magtaya sa ganoong pagkakataon? paano kung sa simula't simula pa lamang ay alam mong hindi na siya magtataya sa'yo? magtataya ka pa ba? paano kung kailangan mong pumili ng pagtatayaan na hindi mo pwedeng pagsabayin? paano ka pipili? sa pinakakaunting sakit na maidudulot sa'yo o sa mas matimbang sa puso mo? mahirap sagutin pero patuloy na pinagninilayan.

when loving means letting go.

"at kung hindi man dumating sa'tin ang panahon, na ako ay mahalin mo rin. asahan mong di ako magdaramdam, kahit ako ay masasaktan. huwag mo lang ipagkait na ikaw ay aking mahalin" - walang kapalit ni rey valera

EXAMEN opening prayer

2005-07-25T04:38:00.000+08:00

LORD.
help me see, know and understand myself
the way You see, know and understand me.
amen.

seriously.

2005-07-25T04:18:00.000+08:00

i noticed that i haven't had really serious and personal entries ever since this computer mishap took place. i would like to take this opportunity to go back on track. pardon me, readers, i write better serious stuff if it's in filipino.

tunggalian
ni: jules

agawan ng dalawa
napapagitna
hindi sigurado
laging nababagabag
hindi makakiling
dahil may maiiwan
may masasaktan
heto sa gitna
malabo
magulo.

ngunit sa huli,
kailangang pumili.

~ hindi na masyado akong magdaragdag ng paliwanag. gusto ko lang manumbalik ang aking kasiglahan sa pagkatha.

LSS ko lang:

HALE - kung wala ka

natapos na ang lahat
nandito pa rin ako
hetong nakatulala
sa mundo, sa mundo

di mo maiisip
di mo makikita
mga pangarap ko
para sa'yo, para sa'yo

ooh...
hindi ko maisip
kung wala ka
ooh...
sa buhay ko

nariyan ka pa ba
di ka na matanaw
kung merong madaraanang
pasulong, pasulong

ooh...
hindi ko maisip
kung wala ka
ooh...
sa buhay ko

sundan mo
ang paghimig na lulan
na aking pinagtatanto
sundan mo
ang paghimig ko

ooh...
hindi ko maisip
kung wala ka
ooh...
sa buhay ko

~ yes.

i WELCOME my computer BACK

2005-07-25T04:10:00.000+08:00

ugh. how i miss blogging inside the comforts of my own home, typing my thoughts on my own computer and looking at the blogsite from my own monitor. wow, good thing this damn computer got fixed (i don't know if it really did not work in the first place). the much more personal aspect of my thoughts and feelings would be more apparent because of this new development.

SALAMAT ayos na COMPUTER KO!
yehey. clap clap clap clap.

WELCOME newbies

2005-07-21T21:07:00.000+08:00

i'm really sorry if i haven't blogged. kaya sabug-sabog ang mga entries ko. weheheh. ngayon ko lang maitatype yung aking entry after orsem.

i consider this year's orsem as the best i had so far. WHY? many reasons.
1. it was light and i felt that we really did our best as a community. everybody had a stake in our activity.
2. todo bonding kami ng lahat ng nagprepare for it and i was witness to the blood, sweat and tears that was contributed for the activity to be fun and exciting for the newbies.
3. i really found God in the experience. sobra lang siyang grace-filled.
4. wala lang. naoverwhelm lang ako kasi ang galing ng aclc.
5. CONGRATS LLOYD! you were an excellent project head!

yun. graces from the weekend. kahit nakakapagod, fun siya and punung-puno ng grasya. i really felt the energy and the love that the aclcers poured out. woohoo. that's the way of life!

special mention: GIAN, pinaiyak mo ako. ganda ng sharing mo. pag mabasa mo'to, paemail. hehe.

yun lang. kung mababasa ito ng mga newbies,
WELCOME to ACLC from the bottom of my heart, who has always been with ACLC and the CLC way of life all these years! WELCOME to the COMMUNITY that i learned to love and i hope you learn to love it too! WELCOME to the WAY OF LIFE that i am excited to share and live out with you! i really hope and pray that you would stay and have fun living our way of life.

GO ACLC!

CONSOLING day

2005-07-21T21:01:00.000+08:00

ang sarap ng feeling na handa ka sa exam and at the same time, hindi ka tense at relaxed na relaxed ka. yup, that's my feeling today. i'm very grateful that i really am prepared and am ready for the tests i took today.

hindi ako nastress at hindi rin ako napagod. in fact, natutuwa pa nga ako. although may parts na hindi ako confident, i still felt that i did well in my tests, because i studied. hahaha.

THANK YOU GOD!
THANK YOU FOR THIS DAY!
I JUST FELT THAT I HAD ONE CONSOLING DAY.

my OFFICIAL statement

2005-07-09T13:43:00.000+08:00

since this past few days many people and groups have stated their own stands regarding the president of this country, let me make my own stand.

after much discernment and data gathering, i have come to the conclusion that our president, Mrs. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo should make the supreme sacrifice of relinquishing her office to her constitutional successor.

my explanation and recommendation will come after. if ever i'm going to be asked, without prejudice to mrs. president since the tapes were not authenticated and the jueteng scandal was not proven to have a direct link to her, i'm still going to ask her to resign. as of now, whether we like it or not, the people are really dissatisfied with her actions and her governance. for the peace and unity of the country, let it begin with the president because this is just the beginning. if she decides to hang on to the position, the more division, chaos and political bickering will emerge and i don't think the country could handle those anymore.

thank you and mabuhay ang pilipinas.

i'm SICK of being SICK

2005-07-09T13:29:00.000+08:00

i really don't like being sick.

i find it weird that dice wants to be and loves being sick. but I DON'T. imagine: cold, chilly evenings, high temperature of my body, clogged nose, bad case of cough and really painful headache. i couldn't even move from my bed to the comfort room.

ugh.

ayoko nang magkasakit. mahirap. halos isang linggo na akong useless at walang pakinabang. dapat marami akong inaasikaso subalit dahil may sakit nga ako, wala. walang-wala akong magawa. ni hindi ako makaisip nang tuwid. huhuhuhu.

pero, i appreciated the time that i had to relax and stay home. minsan, masarap lang humiga at magpahinga, umuwi nang maaga at matulog. ngunit, hindi ako makakain nang maayos. aah. sige na nga, i'll stop this stupid ranting. gusto ko lang ishare na mahirap magkasakit pero buti na lang nagkasakit na ako kasi wala pa masyadong long exams. hehehe.

the FIRST WEEK that was

2005-06-18T10:45:00.000+08:00

yehey. i thought that my first blog for this school year wouldn't be published. hehe. buti na lang. nagmamadali kasi eh.

alrighty then. well, it's the first saturday of this school year and officially, i've already had an experience of all my subjects for the first sem. so now, it's time for my teacher and schedule review.

schedule review:
this first sem, even though i had the worst possible number a psych major could have on a worst ever sem and a worst ever set of schedules per subject, i think i got the best that anyone could ever have. here's my schedule:

MWF
Theology 131 1430-1530 SEC B201A

TTh
Psychology 107 1200-1330 B306
Psychology 106 1330-1500 CTC 106
Psychology 105.1 1500-1630 K302
Philosophy 101 1630-1800 K202

Saturday
Psychology 105.2 0830-1230 B206

see. i have the best schedule that a latecomer can have. except for saturdays of course. hehe. pero maayos na 'to considering i have a bad reputation when it comes to early morning classes. masayang-masaya rin ako kasi pag mwf, isa lang ang klase ko at 2:30 pa. pag nalate ba naman ako, ewan ko na lang. of course, i love the classrooms kasi all except two are airconditioned rooms. thanks to kostka's newly airconed rooms. woohoo!

back to school BLOG

2005-06-15T17:38:00.000+08:00

hay salamat. nakapagblog ulit after... what? 2 months.

ugh. kasisimula lang ulit ng klase. now, i officially attended all my possible classes for the semester (siyempre, hindi kasama yung sabado at yung class na hindi sumipot ang teacher ko). hehe. medyo stressful na ang first few days of class because of tons of readings. i'm expected to read chapters 1 of each book of each subject, with possible surprise quizzes along the way. o ha?

grabe. i'll just make this short kasi medyo nagmamadali din ako. bawi ako next time. promise.
hehe. GO FIRST SEM! NERD MODE

HABEMUS PAPAM! the pope's installation

2005-04-25T14:32:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry for this somewhat late post. hehe. i just would like to share that i am one of the witnesses to such a blessed experience of watching a pope being elected. it is really overwhelming to see the white smoke and to hear the bells of st. peter. even though it was just on television, i feel that i am there and taking part in such a grace-filled and spiritual experience.

JOSEPH CARDINAL RATZINGER
Pope Benedict XVI

contrary to many of my peers' beliefs, i am still proud that he is our pope. the cardinals did not choose him out of mere politics and popularity. i believe that the movement of the spirit and the needs of the church pointed to him. with prayers, he was the one chosen to shepherd the flock of believers and be the living father to us, catholics.

i believe he is a conservative. but his papacy may be different depending on the needs of the church and not on his own personal desires. coming from an ignatian formation, i believe that his election is the discerned decision and whatever holes or gaps this discernment has, God will fill it up. i believe that we should trust more, love more and be more open, just like pope benedict is. this is not politics nor a government position that we're used to. it is responding to a greater call. and in our case as catholics, it is the greatest call.

basta ako, para lang akong anak na may taglay nang pagmamahal sa magulang kaya hindi ako nahirapang mahalin at tanggapin ang bago nating papa.

let's keep on trusting.
let's keep on praying.
let's support our pope.

my long overdue entry: on CONGA

2005-04-25T13:50:00.000+08:00

CLC CONGA: 2 days of national convention and 3 days of general assembly
April 9-13, 2005, horacio dela costa formation center, trese martires, cavite

two weeks ago, i took part in a life-changing event. it did not mean that there was an explicitly miraculous thing that happened to me. the life-changing and miracle part of this event came to me in trickles -- para akong dahong unti-unting nababasa ng mahinang bagsak ng ambon.

it was a one week event. my intentions of going there is simply to talk to one of the elders that has been a very good influence in my life as a clcer. i took the cost-efficient yet difficult way in. i volunteered for the secretariat such that i can participate and attend the event for free but i did not know what i was getting myself into. it was all work. it was all desolating work. however, as the event came closer, i was feeling a sense of relief - a feeling that something good was going my way and i just need to be very patient and trusting.

finally, i came to trese martires one day before all the other delegates and participants. of course. we had to prepare the materials, the place, the equipment and all the necessary logistics for the event. before i really did my job, i atttended the mass with the youth and it marked a good beginning of this one week event.

after preparations, my first day in the venue ended. it was tiring but it was also relaxing. i got to bond with my youth friends and at the same time, i am very excited for the coming days.

the first of the five days came. i was very much excited. although i was the only young male in the group of the secretariat, which makes me very vulnerable to the commands of the oldies to carry all these equipment and to assemble, install and all the necessary outside logistics, i came in the event with an open heart. clc ito eh, hindi lang ito basta pagpupulong, meron pa. tiyak 'yon. i had this in heart speaking from my aclc experience.

i don't want to narrate everything because i will tend to focus on details. i just want to share that even though i did not have the right intentions and disposition in the beginning and even though i was complaining most of the time before this even began, I got tons of graces from God. in the end, He provided for me. i entered with a trusting, loving and open heart for Him to fill. He filled me up to the brim.

looking back, i can say that i went through a very grace-filled experience. i believe, after the conga, i became a better person and a better clcer - aclcer.

why?
1. i learned to love the ignatian spirituality more and it challenged me to practice it even more.
2. i learned to be in touch with my feelings more.
3. i am gradually becoming less analytical and critical and instead, i am gradually becoming more of a feeling individual sensitive to the movement of the spirit and trying to be aware where God is leading me.
4. i am becoming more prayerful.
5. i love the examen and prayer points in the evening.
6. i am challenged by the call for us in the clc conga - to be with the poor, to continue our evangelization, etc.
7. i am part of a community.
8. resources are abundant.
9. it is a continuously enriching clc experience that i am called to share with my aclc community.
10. i can say that i am a more trusting, loving, open and patient individual.
11. i learned strategic planning in the light of clc.
12. the church is beautiful because christ is there and he loves us.
13. what have i done? what am i doing? what more can i do? what more?
14. i never knew that in such a setting, i will be filled by the overwhelming feeling of God's magnificent and unconditional love, manifested in others and in His movement.
15. basta marami pa... hehe... alam ko lang marami na akong pwedeng ibahagi at alam ko maraming pagbabago ang nangyari sa buhay ko at sa pagkatao ko na mas mapapalapit pa ako kay Hesus.

too many to mention
too much to handle
but the fact still remains...
from the talks of fr. danny to bishop tagle
to the interactions with different regions
to the experiential and reflective sharing of people
to the regional sharing and regional buzz
to the consciousness examen, mass and prayer points
to the fellowship
to the openness to the movement of the spirit
to the lc elections
to the new friends
everything is grace
one community. one way of life.
christian life community.

i know why i am here.
i am called to be an instrument.
i am being filled so that i can share some more.

thank you, lord, for such a blessed experience.

hirap ng walang internet

2005-04-19T14:10:00.000+08:00

ang hirap talaga ng walang computer at internet. kailangan ko pa tuloy maghanap ng mga ways to access the internet para lang makablog. ugh. buti ngayon pwede pa dito sa RSF. pag may id na hindi na pwede. huhuhu. dun na ulit ako sa may bayad.

dami ko pa namang gustong ishare tungkol sa CLC CONGA. woohoo. siguro next time na lang. hehe.

EVSEM high. GRABE talaga.

2005-03-30T19:02:00.000+08:00

what a better way to end the year.

tila isang panaginip na hindi mo na gustong gumising pa.
isang karanasang puno ng luha... ngunit hindi ng pait kundi ng ligaya't pagmamahal
isang karanasang puno ng tawanan... walang pinagtatawanan, masasayang alaala lamang.
isang karanasang puno ng mga hindi malilimutang sandali.
isang karanasang puno ng pagmamahal.
isang karanasang puno ng grasya.
isang karanasang kasama ang mga kaibigan.
higit sa lahat, isang karanasang kapiling ang DIYOS na walang sawang magmahal.

EVSEM 2005.
nakaukit ka na sa aking puso't alaala.
sana maulit ka pa.
sana.

hay nakoh. evsem talaga. para akong galing ng retreat. BUHOS din ang tamang term.
BUHOS ng grasya.
BUHOS ng pagmamahal.
BUHOS ng ligaya.
BUHOS ng luha.

it was a perfect ending for a wonderful and grace-filled year.
GOD, I LOVE YOU.
ACLC, I LOVE YOU.
because of this last experience, BOTH OF YOU, I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE. Ü

tama na ang drama! hehe...

GOD I MISS MY BLOG!!!

2005-03-30T18:59:00.000+08:00

i hate it when your computer breaks down completely. oh well, blog, i miss you. hehe. i will post soon. i promise. to my readers, my apologies.

song hits gone bad

2005-03-09T00:06:00.000+08:00

another hilarious entry that i got from a friend's mail. heto ang nangyayari kung mula sa pakikinig ng cassette tape sa karaoke ang pagkuha ng lyrics ng isang kanta. hehe.

The Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston
I decided long ago, never to walk in edu manzano...
(I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow)

Cry by Mandy Moore
A walk to remember... it was late afternoon!
(I'll always remember, it was late afternoon)

All My Life by K-ci and Jojo
supposed to be you're like my mother,supposed to
be you're like my sister
(close to me you're like my mother... close to me you're like my sister)

Where is the Love
People killing, people flying, children hurt an living, crying...
(People killing, people dying; children hurt and you hear them crying)

Leaving on a jet plane
so kiss me and SMAFFLE me...
(so kiss me and smile for me...)

Usher & Alicia's My Boo
It started when we were younger you were NINE...
(It started when we were younger you were mine)

Usher & Alicia's My Boo (again!)
...and you were my BEYBLADE... it started when
were younger you were FINE... hehehe....

If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys -
some people want TAMBOURINES..
(diamond rings)

Britney's Baby One More Time
My ONLY NEST is killing me... and I........
(My loneliness....)

Thumbthumping (Chumbawumba)
I get knocked down by an elephant, my mommas's
gonna bring me down...
(I get knocked down, but I get up again...)

Crush by Jennifer Paige
i-splash, a little crush..
(it's just.. a little crush..)

Red Hot's Californication
Viva Californication....
(Dream of Californication...)

No scrubs, TLC
A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fine but is also
known as a BUS STOP
(buster)

Waterfalls by TLC:
Don't go JASON waterfalls...
(Chasin')

John Mayer -You're ALICE IN WONDERLAND..
You're ALICE IN WONDERLAND I'll use my hands
(Body is a wonderland)

Baa Baa Black Sheep:
Baa baa black sheep, heavy on the road...

With A Smile by Eraserheads:
lift ur HAND.. baby dont be scared.. of the things
that could go wrong along the way.. (HEAD!!!)

Wag Na Wag Mong Sasabihin by Kitchie Nadal:
maaaaaaaaaag... , magdamag mong sasabihin........

two-trick pony by sandwich
i have been waiting for you all night under the glow
of INSECENT LIGHT
(...under the glow of YOUR SATELLITE)

On Bended Knees by Boyz II Men:
Oh God give me the reason, I'M DOWN... ABANDON ME...
(I'm down on bended knee)

Red Hot's Zephyr Song:
Fly away on my CELLPHONE...I feel it more than ever
(Fly away on my zephyr, I feel it more than ever)

AND FINALLY....

Soul of Christ... sat beside me...> (sanctify me! )

all the bad things that can happen

2005-03-08T23:58:00.000+08:00

i could not believe that my last post was back in february 21. i remember wanting to post tons of things but due to tons of work, i could not find any time to blog. kaso nga lang, lalo akong nabaon sa dami ng gagawin. ngayon, sinisingit ko na lang ito kasi medyo inaantok na ako.

right now, i'm typing this blog using a laptop of a friend. why? my stupid computer has not been working properly for a week now. hell week + not working computer = disaster. yes, it is a perfect equation for disaster. instead of having an easier time in doing things at home, i am making extra efforts in looking for other ways to finish my requirements. i am not joking when i tell you that it is really my hell week and i am not finished yet.

i can't wait till friday. oh my...

naalala ko lang na sandamakmak na kamalasan ang pinagdaanan ko noong nakaraang linggo. una, nawala ang wallet ko na may lamang pera. malas talaga. kasunod, nilagnat ako ng isang linggo. ang hirap magtrabaho nang may lagnat, wala kang masisimulan. bukod pa sa mga ito, wala akong computer. ang hirap talaga! ayoko na.

oh well. i'm rushing in typing my entry since i really want to finish the things i have to finish. i just want this week to end para masaya di ba? hehehe. ayun lang. nice to be blogging again.

manglish

2005-02-21T23:28:00.000+08:00

wala lang. nakakatawa lang talaga ito. just wanted to share this with everyone. kahit na medyo luma, nakuha ko'to sa email ng friend ko. natatawa lang talaga ako.

"Well well well. Look do we have here!" "Let's give them a big hand of applause." "The more the manyer." "It's a no-win-win situation." "Burn the bridge when you get there." "Anulled and void." "Mute and academic." "C'mon let's join us!" "If worse comes to shove." "Are you joking my leg?" "It's not my problem anymore, it's your problem anymore." "What are friends are for?" "You can never can tell." "Been there, been that." "Forget it about it." "Give him the benefit of the daw." "It's a blessing in the sky." "Right there and right then." "Where'd you came from?" "Take things first at a time." "You're barking at the wrong dog." "You want to have your cake and bake it too." "First and for all." "Now and there." "I'm only human nature." "The sky's the langit." "That's what I'm talking about it." "One of these days is not like the other." "So far, so good, so far." "Time is of the elements." "In the wink of an eye." "The feeling is actual." "For all intense and purposes." "I ran into some errands." "Hi. I'm , what's yours?" "What is the world is coming to?" "What is the next that is?" "Get the most of both worlds." "Bahala na sila sa mga batman nila." "Whatever you say so." "ZZZBase-to-base casis." "My answers have been prayered." "Please me alone!" 'It's as brand as new." "So... what's a beautiful girl like you?...." "I can't take it anymore of this!" "Are you sure ka na ba?" "Can't you just cut me some slacks?" ETO PA.... 1. I couldn't care a damn! 2. What's your next class before this?(ANO DAW???!!!) 3. Nothing in this world is perfect except the word "change" 4. Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from the top?(ulitin natin hanggang mamatay tayo!) 5. My dad brought home a lot of hand-me-downs! (Translation: Daming pasalubong ng tatay ko.) 6. Standard and Chartered Bank 7. I'm very iterated!!! (transalation: galit sya! haha!) 8. I'm sorry, my boss just passed away. (translation: kakadaan lang ng boss nya.) 9. Hello, my boss is out of town. Would you like to wait? 10. What happened after the erection of Mayon Volcano? 11. Don't touch me not! 12. Hello?... For a while, please hang yourself... 13. Its spilled milk under the bridge. 14. Don't change anything! Keep it at ease. 15. Hello McDo? Mag-i-inquire lang ako kung magkano ang kidney meal? (yung pang-batang pagkain) 16. You!!! You're not a boy anymore! You're a man anymore! (coach?! coach?!) 17. Out of fit ako these days eh... (translation: di sya nakakapag-exercise) 18. Come, lets join us! 19. Bring down the house down! 20. I'm the world champion of the World!!! 21. Beneath the Belt! 22. Rule of Hand... (thumb yata ibig sabihin...) 23. Can you repeat it once again? 24. Mukhang haggard-looking. 25. Do you have more brighter ideas? 26. Halatang obvious naman yata.

T.I.I.S. day today

2005-02-15T00:56:00.000+08:00

i was inspired to blog when i read kevin's blog. it really makes a difference if your good friend is writing his own blog, you are forced to update your own. odd as it may seem, i am motivated by kevin's dedication to his blog. labo. parang laging blog nang blog si kevin. sa totoo lang, gusto ko lang talagang magblog ngayong valentine's day.

gaya sa topic ko, heto ang mahusay na araw ng T.I.I.S. club. yung Tang Ina I'm Single Club. hehehe. for my readers, i'm sorry if you're scandalized by this but this is how the loveless singles put it, especially those who are really in despair. yaks. parang wala nang pag-asa. hehe.

SINGLE BLESSEDNESS. come to think of it, there's nothing wrong with being single. in fact, marami pa rin sa mundo ang nananatiling walang kapares sa buhay. i don't think the word "nag-iisa" is appropriate for this setting. kaya pakiramdam ko malungkot ang connotation sa mga Pilipino ng pagiging single ay dahil sa Filipino literal counterpart niya, which is "nag-iisa." malungkot di ba? sino bang may gustong maging mag-isa? wala naman. pero ang magkaroon ng kapares, kahati, kasama, kayakap, kalabing-labing... at kung anu-ano pa, ibang kwento na 'yan.

ngunit, puna ko lang. natutuwa lang ako tuwing sasapit ang panahon ng valentine's dahil parang lalong dumarami ang naaawa sa kanilang sarili dahil sa pagiging mag-isa sa buhay. bukod sa pasko, ito ang okasyong, nako, sangkatutak ang naghahanap. parang last minute shopping o paghahabol sa last full show. tila ba mauubusan sila ng stock pag nananatili silang single sa pagsapit ng araw na ito. wala lang. just an observation. siguro, as humans, we want to belong and everytime we see a couple walking with their hands holding, or a couple that is sitting sweetly on a bench, we tend to be envious. "i want that also." then, loneliness sets in. sa kagustuhan nating kiligin kapag nakakakita ng ibang inlab, tayo mismong mga singgol ang naaapektuhan lalo na't kung titingnan natin ang ating sarili. "ako'y malungkot na naman..." hehe. ganito talaga. gusto natin lahat umibig eh.

pakalasing na lang tayo sa pag-ibig. oh well. by the way, got to spend the evening with the guys after a really jampacked day, especially during the afternoon. nakoh, lalo na sa LC meeting. lupet! wala lang, it's very much different sharing a day when couples are likely out dating, with people you're working with. wala lang...

yun na muna. pero hindi pa tapos ang valentine's fever and reflections galore. i will post some of the sent love articles sa egroups namin dito. hehe.

by the way, let us pray for the victims of the recent wave of bombings here in the philippines. Lord God, touch the hearts of the people who turned away from you. please pursue them and lead them to your heart. reach out for the good in them and make them stop hurting others. we offer you another day Lord and as the evening finally closes, i hope that everything would be better. amen.

panalo tayo mga kabarangay!

2005-02-12T01:05:00.000+08:00

GINEBRA is the CHAMPION team for the all-filipino cup. woohoo. we won. kahit sabihin pa ng marami na jologs o pangmasa lang ang team na ito, the fact still remains that it is the most popular team in the league. kahit magpalit-palit pa sila ng players, the ginebra spirit lives on. do-or-die and never say die. of course, hindi lang sila sikat nang walang dahilan. in this season, ginebra has proven that it is a very talented and strong team.

GALING NG GINEBRA, kahit wala si jayjay na malaki ang contribution sa team. ang galing ng mga nagstep up, with special mention to sunday salvacion. hehe. sayang, i was not able to watch it since i had to watch my sister's concert. oh well. at least, panalo ginebra.

kaya sa mga bumabatikos sa aking pagsuporta sa team na ito, alam niyo naman siguro ang dahilan kung bakit sila ang paborito ko. magaling at malalaki ang puso.

MABUHAY mga taga-BARANGAY GINEBRA! the championship is ours. nagdiriwang na ang buong bayan. CONGRATULATIONS!

porqi po, taga-barangay GINEBRA.

another prayer session and oprah

2005-02-11T01:40:00.000+08:00

we just had a very light prayer session. it's focused more on the sharing than the silencing and meditation. it was brief but it was as meaningful as any prayer session we had. kaya medyo masaya ako. magandang pagtatapos sa aking araw ito.

my reflection on oprah:
i've been watching oprah for the longest time and i can say i'm a fan of hers. her show features just about anything that any person can relate to -- from serious ones, like family issues, crimes and victims, to the lighter ones, like food, decorating, and celebrity interviews.

kanina, a portion of her show featured her book club. i saw women carrying her last book "anna karenina" and ran as if they were in a marathon to symbolize that they finished reading a very intimidating book. my impression of them is that they are oprah's followers, as if in a cult and oprah is their head minister or leader. they just follow what she does or says. nothing against that, though. in fact, i like her way of leading people.

after cheering and dancing around as they announced that they finished the book by tolstoy, oprah promoted her next book on her club. guess what? it's THE GOOD EARTH. my GOD! i had bad memories with that book and most books that i encountered in high school. hehe. i was not a fan of books being read for academic purposes. basta leisure reading masaya. ayoko talaga yung good earth. it's so boring for me. no offense meant!

the point is, however, oprah has influenced lives of many people. these people are just testaments to this fact. but oprah uses that influence in a good manner. i just admire her way of promoting reading and reading good and classic books. in this age of technology and easy access, with everything instant, it is nice to go back to the most primitive yet enriching form of gathering information and learning, which is through reading. galing lang talaga. siyempre, with booknotes and reading guides yan online. o ha? hehe. san ka pa?

wala lang... galing lang ni oprah. also, i love when she features all her good deeds, through my favorite things, angel network and use your life award. of course, i can't help but mention her south africa experience, where she celebrated christmas with the kids there. i could not stop my tears from falling. grabe. GO OPRAH!

welcome to another blogger...

2005-02-07T01:10:00.000+08:00

in behalf of the millions of bloggers in the world, we welcome KEVIN SYLING.
YIHEE! may blog ka na. nakisali ka na rin sa mga taong gustong magtago ng alaala ngunit tinatamad magsulat sa isang notebook.

WELCOME TO THE BLOGGING COMMUNITY!!!

of instincts...

2005-01-31T23:23:00.000+08:00

one thing i learned this week from oprah is that trust your instincts. hmm... if one day you came up with this feeling that says "uh oh, there's something wrong here." oprah says trust that feeling because if you do not act on it, everything will be too late.

siyempre, the context behind this statement is that when you see your child with a grown man and your instinct tells you that there is something wrong. follow it.

wala lang. gusto ko lang ishare kasi magagamit ko ito. trust my instincts. hahaha. kahit na malagay ako sa sandamakmak na isyu. bahala na. hehe. joke. well, i've been following this fictional finalism for the past few years and sometimes it holds true, but sometimes it does not. good luck. hehe.

psychADDICT

2005-01-20T01:14:00.000+08:00

i'm slowly turning into a psych-addict. may topak yata ako eh. so kung meron kayong problema sikolohikal, contact me. i will try to read you. hahaha.

what is LOVE?

2005-01-20T01:08:00.000+08:00

For all you people who say "I love you"
when you have no clue what love is exactly!!!
Something to ponder upon.....

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing
and is your voice caught within your chest??
-It isn't love, it's LIKE.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them,
am I right??
-It isn't love, it's LUST.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off??
-It isn't love, it's LUCK.

Do you want them because you know they're there??
-It isn't love, it's LONELINESS.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants??
-It isn't love, it'S LOYALTY.

Are you there because they kissed you,
or held your hand??
-It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE.

Do you stay for their confessions of love,
because you don't want to hurt them??
-It isn't love, it's PITY.

Do you belong to them because their sight
makes your heart skip a beat??
-It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.

Do you pardon their faults because
you care about them??
-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.

Do you tell them every day
they are the only one you think of??
-It isn't love, it's a LIE.

Are you willing to give all of your
favorite things for their sake??
-It isn't love, it's CHARITY.

Does your heart ache and break
when they're sad??
-Then it's LOVE.

Do you cry for their pain,
even when they're strong??
-Then it's LOVE.

Do their eyes see your true heart,
and touch your soul so deeply it hurts??
-Then it's LOVE.

Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible
mix of pain and relation pulls you
close and holds you there??
-Then it's LOVE.

Do you accept their faults because
they're a part of who they are??
-Then it's LOVE.

Are you attracted to others,
but stay with them faithfully without regret??
-Then it's LOVE.

Would you give them your heart,
your life, your death??
-Then it's LOVE.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so,
why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self? Why?

The answer is so simple cause it's...LOVE.
It is such an addictive thing that even people
who are not having it wish to experience it
and share it with others as well.

power of the INTIMATE conversation

2005-01-19T23:45:00.000+08:00

i felt very much blessed for the past few days. i have received the graces from the experience of an intimate conversation with people i really am close to. luckily, i was able to face my fears and open myself up even more. as much as i would like to invest on more intimate personal relationships this year, i have to make the extra effort of facing my fears and opening myself up to reveal to others who i am. the REAL me.

i am reaping the benefits of realness. i feel very much at peace and comfortable. gusto ko tuloy ishare sa iba ang mga naishare ko pero masisira ang ganda at ang pagkadalisay ng pagiging bukas at totoo. ang kapalit nito ay ang totoong pagtanggap ng aking kausap at higit sa lahat, ang pagtitiwala at pagbubukas din nila sa akin.

amen.

the DEBUT and other THINGS

2005-01-16T02:14:00.000+08:00

nothing really really magical. nothing really really spectacular. essentially, it was just love. siguro, umasa akong kikiligin o mapapamangha sa antas na hindi ko matanto. subalit, ang tangi kong kinamanghaan ay ang pagmamahalang bumabalot sa debut ni geoann.

yun muna. part two next. wala na akong prepaid. hahahaha. saka, magpapabuhos ako ng mga reflections ko sa mga susunod na entries. prameees.

PAG-IBIG

2005-01-07T01:26:00.000+08:00

nakakatuwang isipin na medyo nasa loving mood karamihan ng tao ngayong kasisimula ng bagong taon. hindi ko alam kung bakit pero ewan ko. siguro, salamangka ito ng pag-ibig. mula, noong may nagkwento ng kanilang pagtataya sa pag-ibig, tila lahat, gustong umibig o makadama ng pag-ibig. hay nakoh. ang pag-ibig nga naman... ganyan talaga... masaya!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2005-01-01T07:32:00.000+08:00

happy new year!
welcome year 2005.

let's pray for a better economy and peace for our nation for the coming year. i hope 2005 would be as colorful as 2004 but with less disasters and catastrophes.

para mas masaya!

oh and by the way...

2004-12-29T01:32:00.000+08:00

I LOVE CONDUCTING. now, i'm slowly getting the hang of it. hehehehehe. woohoo.

gloria... gloria...
sing we all noel...
hallelujah have you heard.
angels...

surprises... surprises...

2004-12-29T01:21:00.000+08:00

i'm just amazed that my last entry was back in december 12. hehehe. nagalit lang yata ako nang sobra sa blogger kasi nung nagtype ako nang pagkahaba-haba, saka biglang hindi ba naman napublish? hay nakoh. another thing, puro carolling nights. hirap magblog pag pagod ka na. hehe. also, noong 23, i got sick up until noong 26. grabe talaga. ayoko nang magkasakit!

oh well. this evening has just lots of surprises for me. i don't want to enumerate them all, baka may magalit. hehehe. pero, sometimes, good surprises are good for people. minsan, mapapaisip ka na lang kung ano pa ang pwede pang mangyaring bago. with that in your head and heart, napupuno ka ng pasasalamat sa ganda ng buhay. ang ganda kasi ng mga ganitong pagbabago at ganitong bago.

short lang muna.

i am just relishing the second to the last carolling evening. oh well. quoting cas, "good food. good music. good company. san ka pa?" hehehe. no wonder i don't feel like missing a carolling night. kasi bukod sa tatlong ito, marami pang surprises. woohoo. hehe.

yun lang muna.

da BEST carolling...

2004-12-13T03:00:00.001+08:00

hindi ako patatawarin ng konsensya ko kung di ko ito nablog.

it was the usual sunday evening carolling problem. walang tao. mas malala nga yata yung ngayong gabi. dumating ako walang kababaihang naroroon at nagpapractice and it was dark already. medyo nakakatakot, nakakalungkot at nakakakaba subalit, the show must go on. when all the reinforcements (as if ang dami. hehehe) came in, we practiced. although medyo down and low sa simula, we slowly gained the confidence and the rhythm for this evening's carolling.

what happened? what did we do?
SIMPLE LANG.
WE ENJOYED and WE HAD FUN.

simple lang ang sangkap ng isang magandang performance. todo-bigay. masaya. magulo. maligaya. the essence in carolling, i believe, is not in the perfect and clean performance but it is in the emotion that you impart to your audience. tipong, malinis nga ngunit nakasimangot naman lahat kayo. kahit hindi masyadong pulido naman, masaya naman ang mga inawitan niyo dahil masaya rin kayo.

i think that capped our whole evening. we did it because we had fun. we made the most out of it. to think, all the cards were stacked against us. 2 soprano, 3 altos, a set of basses and tenors. masaklap pa, tenor ang conductor, 2 tenors ang gitarista. hahaha. hey, we pulled it of. that includes songs that we don't usually sing (such as, gumising and ang aking pasko).

even though there were stressful moments and moments that you would want more people to participate in this event, we just made the most of what we have. it turned out to be one of the best performance, though undermanned, that the aclc carolling had for this christmas. masaya eh. nadala ang tunay na diwa ng kapaskuhang dala-dala ng mga awitin.

sabi nga ni fraggy, we ended in a high note. pun intended.
masaya. kay saya. ang tunay na diwa ng carolling ay nasa kaligayahang taglay ng mensahe ng mga awiting inilimbag at isinulat. masaya ako. masaya sila. sana ganito lagi. masaya ang magcarolling.

oh, by the way, i just enjoyed how we spent our last minutes in ateneo taking pictures and viewing the wonderful performances we did for the two houses this sunday evening.

SING WE ALL NOEL!

BLOG boycott

2004-12-09T03:28:00.000+08:00

as you may have noticed, i was not blogging for many weeks now. i did it intentionally. i wanted to boycott blogging because among the things that irritate me, one is when i write a very long blog and it won't publish and when i hit , everything that i typed disappeared. damn! i hate it when that happens. that night i happened to have no backup of that very long reflection.

tama na muna. nasasayang oras at pagod ko. hehe. wala lang.

paying my BLOGGING debt

2004-12-04T02:58:00.000+08:00

i felt that i owe this blog lots of stories. for the past two weeks, i had encountered different experiences that changed my life. but, i was not able to blog all of them. nakakatamad minsan at minsan, wala na talagang oras at panahon. oh well. hehehe.

from this blog, i will have multiple entries.
here goes!

staying OUT

2004-11-25T02:34:00.000+08:00

probably, many are wondering why i love to stay out after school. marami sigurong nagtataka. bakit kaya ako kumakain sa labas, malapit naman bahay ko? bakit hindi pa ako umuwi nang maaga, malapit naman bahay ko? bakit gusto ko pang lumayo kaysa umuwi?

my answer will be very simple. i just love being with my community any chance i have. kaya, i would grab any opportunity to eat out, to go watch a movie, to go malling, to go joyriding o kahit ano pang kakaibang gawain basta kasama mga kacommunity ko. ewan ko. this is how i am attached to them and to the aclc. siguro, staying out is my unconscious way of showing how much i am attached.

i just love being with them. i love to observe them. i love to chat with them. i love to share ideas, stories, and of course, chismis with them. most of all, i just love their company. iba eh. at home na at home ka tuwing kasama mo sila. of course, hindi siya boring.

kaya, minsan, kahit mahirap at magastos, sa loob-loob ko, hindi ko pwedeng palagpasin ang isang gabing may lalabas na grupo ng mga kacommunity namin. i just love being part of the community. though it may be impractical, this is my way of showing that love.

bcuz of u my life has changed...

2004-11-24T01:04:00.000+08:00

i watched B'CUZ OF U kanina and i had fun. it was a funny movie not because of the intended humor but because of the cheeziness of the film. the cheeziness, however, did not make me feel very annoyed. it actually made me feel good. i really needed to watch such movie to at least lighten up my week.

hindi naman mabigat ang linggo subalit masaya na rin na meron akong napanood na pelikulang masaya. haha. anyway, i wanted to watch bcuz of you ever since. gusto kong mapanood ang first movie nina hero and sandara and in fairness to these newcomers, sila ang pinakamaayos at may pinakamakulay na kwento doon sa tatlo. nagustuhan ko rin ang pagkakatagpi-tagpi ng kwento sa pamamagitan ng sasakyan. naappreciate ko tuloy ang beetle.

overall, it was a feel good yet no brainer movie. it is entertaining but it does not involve thinking. hehe. manonood ka lang talaga. pero, nagustuhan ko na rin siya. may boring parts, may extremely cheezy and absurd parts and of course, may masayang parts.

heart and geoff's story is PACUTE. hero and sandara's story is CUTE and FUNNY. kristine and diether's story is WEIRD pero OUCH. the story and the script is medyo cheezy. may funny parts naman at entertaining. i commend the production and direction. asteeeg. malupit pa rin ang star cinema. i also commend the supporting cast, especially si pokwang sa kwento nina hero. of course, sa isang cheezy or jologs movie, maraming quotable quotes. kaya masaya!

"Pinatawad mo na ba ako?"
"Humingi ka na ba ng tawad?"
OUCH.

peace out.

hey, at last i'm back

2004-11-20T01:45:00.000+08:00

this week is very light.

o di ba? monday, no classes. friday, acp day. masaya! kaso nga lang, i had this feeling that i need to accomplish something this week but i don't know what it is. mahirap siya kasi nga di ko alam kung anong kailangan kong tapusin. all i know is that the welcoming night later tonight is the heaviest load i had for this week. well, that excludes acp of course.

i don't wanna talk about acp. nakakainis lang siyang isipin. yung mga problemang naencounter ng class namin ay dahil sa acp core mismo. had they coordinated and worked together well, none of the hassle that my partner and i faced in facilitating the class would happen. nakakainis talaga. avoidable eh. grabe. but don't get me wrong, i would suggest that they retain the class that we facilitated. i was enlightened with the lecture and the eating, of course. mas masarap ang pagkain kung alam mo ang kinakain mo. of course, our food reveals our identity as a people -- as filipinos. i got this sense of appreciation for our rich culture as revealed by our food.

woohoo... busog ka na sa sikmura, busog pa sa kaalaman.

alas!

2004-11-14T03:01:00.000+08:00

yehey. actually, noong thursday pa ako mayroong prepaid internet so makakablog na ako ulit. yahoo. pasensya na't hindi ako nakablog noong thursday and friday dahil masyadong marami akong inalalang mga bagay na walang kinalaman sa academics. ugh. hehehe. what more kung may academics na di ba? tsktsktsk.

i hope i can write more reflections.

dear blog...

2004-11-10T01:39:00.000+08:00

for a while, i will not be able to blog because i don't have any unlimited time from prepaid internet. it is sad but i really cannot blog the way i used to. pansamantala, wala munang mahahabang entries. puro maiikli na lang muna.

sige. kita-kits na lang muna.

song entry: kitchie nadal - wag na wag mong sasabihin

2004-11-07T03:12:00.000+08:00

may gusto ka bang sabihin
ba't 'di mapakali
ni hindi makatingin
sana'y 'wag mo na itong palipasin
at subukang lutasin
sana'y sinabi mo na

iba'ng nararapat sa akin
na tunay kong mamahalin

oh, wag na wag mong sasabihin
na hindi mo nadama itong
pag-ibig kong handang
ibigay kahit pa kalayaan mo

ano man ang iyong akala
na ako'y isang bituin
na walang sasambahin
di ko man ito ipakita
abot-langit ang daing
sana'y sinabi mo na

iba'ng nararapat sa akin
na tunay kong mamahalin

oh, wag na wag mong sasabihin
na hindi mo nadama itong
pag-ibig kong handang
ibigay kahit pa kalayaan mo

oh, wag na wag mong sasabihin
na hindi mo nadama itong
pag-ibig kong handang
ibigay kahit pa kalayaan mo

~ malupit itong kantang ito. this is a song of letting go someone you loved who happened to be numb. kebs lang. ouch!

second sem -- first week

2004-11-07T02:00:00.000+08:00

what a first week of school!!

aside from my litany last wednesday, i can add some more but i don't want to bore myself of an enumeration of things that happened. ngunit, subalit, pero't datapwat, maraming mga pangyayari na sadyang kakaiba sa mga nakaraang unang linggo ng ibang semester ko sa ateneo. i must admit from wednesday up until saturday, i had a jampacked week filled with so much stuff that did not even involve academics. hah!

THURSDAY
nothing much happened. i met my pingpong teacher. damn, i don't have any pe t-shirt. i still have to buy one. grr... although he seems very easy, my classmates do not seem very easy opponents. ang daming magagaling. hahaha. after pingpong, i decided to wait for 2 and 1/2 hours before my next class. can i just say that it is really really dragging to wait for that long before the next class. haha.

i met both my personality and devpsych teachers. they seem very nice. mukha namang kayang-kaya ang kanilang mga klase. yung sa personality, feeling ko medyo laid-back at easy-going though interesting ang background niya as a psychoanalyst. yung sa devpsych, naging teacher na sa xavier so familiar face siya and mukha namang okay siya at mabait.

this day i spent most of my time bugging the eco department for the erratic scheduling of our eco102 class. kaya feeling ko kilalang-kilala na ako roon. hehehe. kulit ko eh.

i waited afterwards kasi magcacarolling practice ako. we polished and learned the songs. malupit ang practice na'to. hindi ko kinaya.

we had dinner in wok dis way (ayoko nang kainin ang seafood rice nila) and went to munch kung saan kumakain ang iba kong orgmates. hehe. wala lang. masaya lang maghangout lalo na't wala pang masyadong pinagagawa.

FRIDAY
this is the best day of my first week. PINAKAMAHABA rin siya.

well, it started out when i woke up at 8:10 am knowing that i have a class at 8:30. i ended up arriving in ateneo 5 minutes later than the start of class. luckily, since we're 80 in the sci10 class, roll call took more than 5 minutes before it reached my name. kaya nandoon na ako nung tinawag niya ang pangalan ko. we had the usual lecture in sci10. i noticed something. tuwing maayos at organized ang lecture, mabilis. kung magulo maglecture ang teacher, mabagal ang oras.

we had a 2 hour break due to the free cut of our history teacher who is currently in singapore for his japanese studies blah blah. so i decided to go to mindmovers and see some books of my course. i invited some of my orgmates and we all went. masaya siya kasi ang dami naming pumunta tapos wala lang... ang daming books! after that, we had breakfast in kfc. chat chat chat.

nabigla lang ako na sa ue na nakaenroll si karen. nalungkot ako bigla.

when i went to my eco class, it was quite suspenseful since we are going to know the fate of our class schedule. when the teacher arrived, she mentioned the schedule she proposed. wala akong lusot sa schedule. wala akong klase sa oras na iyon. pero at that point, i don't really want to transfer anymore since ang teacher dapat namin ay mabait naman, mahusay magpaliwanag at madali. sayang sana kung lilipat pa ako. we spent half of the class fixing the erratic schedule and we ended up staying at the 1130 to 1230 class, with an option of replacing the teacher. sayang! dami rin kasing reklamo more than the conflict of schedule, maraming sinusundo, sumusundo, nagtatrabaho and all that jazz. kaya magulo talaga. in fact, at that time, ayoko nang magpalit ng teacher. nagexplain na kasi siya at sayang kasi madali siyang magpaliwanag. she uses layman's terms to explain economics clearly. ngayon hindi ko alam kung sino ang teacher namin. sabi nga ni bianca, baka terror pa yan, sayang naman. grrrr... hehehe.

by the way, our new teacher is Mr. Fabian Mangahas. no known reviews. all we know is that he has high standards because of his background. eco-h, awardee, etc etc.

after eco, i walked to bel. nakakatamad! ang layo! ang ending, free cut. grr... ayos lang sana kung nasa main campus kami eh. kaso, babalik pa kami. lakad na naman. nasa japan pa yata si mam nagai-yabut eh. hehehe.

pagkatapos nito, i looked for a classmate to inquire about mam lalu-santos. nagkataon kasi, marami akong kaibigan ang teacher siya ngayon. hehehe. good luck to them! i had one hell of a semester last sem due to filipino. ang saya-saya. i am willing to give more tips to my friends about her style and her way of teaching.

so since tapos na ang klase, i waited. computer muna. internet. ayos ng schedule. ayos ng groupings. lib. hintay hanggang mag430, kahit ayokong magACP training. pero kailangan eh. ugh.

we had the training and ang daming nangyari pa rin. oh well. quiet na lang muna. hehehe.

after the training, we went back to the room. i missed practice. sayang. tapos, gusto ko sanang magattend ng first friday mass sa gesu. kaso wala na akong kasama. hmph. so, naghintay na lang kami sa room. naglaro kami ng napakasayang "BOING BOING game." isa siyang instant community building activity with bonus of laglagan and bonding. masaya talaga siya.

matapos nito, takbo kami ng eastwood to watch the incredibles. so habang nakisakay ako kay geo-ann, we had a wealthy (hehehe) conversation. masyadong malaman ang aming pinag-usapan. masaya! akin na lang yun. di pwedeng ishare sa blog gaya ng ibang nagshashare sa blog. then, we watched the movie. ang saya! i really love pixar's work. maganda ang pelikula dahil sa kakaibang anggulo ng pagiging superhero. hindi siya cheezy. it is a mixture of family, suspense, action, comedy, drama, adventure and animation. i really love these forms of cartoons kasi akmang-akma pa sa edad ko. to tell you the truth, ganitong cartoon ang gusto ko. magaling ang pagkakagawa. maganda ang storya. masayang panoorin. all in all, MAGALING!

we parted ways in eastwood and i joined the sophomores to eric's place in st.ignatius. doon kami kumain. masaya pa rin. haha. 12 midnight na, nasa labas pa rin ako. hehehe. nagkwentuhan lang kami at nagtour sa napakalaking bahay ni eric na maraming secret passageways. ang saya, pwede kang mawala and very interesting siya. hehehehe.

after coming from eric's place, we proceeded to meatshop to greet aba happy birthday and join our other orgmates who were drinking there. kwento ulit tapos punta ng seattle's best. kwento pa rin hanggang sa pagod na lahat. oh well. i went home at 2 am. galit na siguro sa akin magulang ko dahil hindi ako nagpaalam.

by the way... note to self: HULI na siguro muna 'to pansamantala sa sem na ito. tutok sa pag-aaral na at sa org work.

SATURDAY
i woke up at 11 knowing that i have a first aid training at 9 am. hehe. late na late. napuyat ako eh. in fairness, masaya kasi ang ginawa ko kinagabihan eh.

nakakatawa lang ang first aid training. nakakatawa ang nagdedemo para siyang si love anover. and everything! hehehe. makulit. tapos after we ate our free lunch, we went to the room to speak to people. wala lang, makipagkulitan lang at kwentuhan. then, i returned to the training. noong puro demonstration na ng bandages, lumabas na ako to go to the payatas a meeting. i heard nandoon si marky. kailangan ko lang makipagkwentuhan. yes, tama kayo kwentuhan lang ang ginawa ko ngayong araw. then, off to ice monster.

tapos na ang sabado ko. kakapagod kasi yung biyernes eh. i need to rest.
area na sa linggo. gawdluck.

by the way...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOSSING ROBBIE!!! *saludo* HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIR!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABA!!! ayan eh...

i wish you both good health, good grades and lovelife. hah! hehe. God bless at sana patuloy pa kayong magbigay sa community. hwag kalimutang mahal namin kayo.

this entry is too long already.
PORQI out.

first day

2004-11-04T01:19:00.000+08:00

hah! i did it. first day.

i thought that my first day would be very boring. and so i thought. this day had been very jampacked with different firsts and news (balita). hehehe. today became very juicy and thrilling. why? aside from meeting my teachers for the first time, the first day became an adventure through class mix-ups, chismis and org stuff.

so what happened today. let's enumerate.
1. i slept at 4 am. hah!
2. i woke up at 8 am. HAH!
3. i came in just in time for sci10 and we met ma'am assunta cuyegkeng. our class is very big and is filled with comm majors. (nakoh. kelangang cumareer sa recitation.) wow, we had our first lecture today. it was only an introduction to science and society and technology.
4. i went to my first second sem 1 hr break. bitin! then, i started walking towards my first class in BEL. i realized that walking to bellarmine is not the ideal thing you would want in your college life.
5. history went okay. our teacher was okay. we had a game. at least, free cut on friday.
6. we rushed back to the main campus. and oh, ECO. we met our "bitchy" teacher. FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS: change the schedule of our class. what the? di ba? i had lots to say about this order of business but i think i have shared this one with lots of people. i'm kinda tired in talking about it. basta, this BUSINESS led me to get my first load revision form.
7. after that HORRIBLE subject, i went running back to BEL for my japanese class. and to my surprise, my first second sem free cut. i realized that it is not nice to have a class in bel then the teacher would not attend because i have to walk back again right after walking to the building.
8. my first official tambay in the aclc room. as usual, masaya.
9. off to my first load rev form together with venjo. siya rin, first time niya. hehehehe.
10. i settled my issues with the economics department. hold daw muna kasi BAWAL ang pinagagagawa ng teacher namin sa economics. HMPH! anyway, kung mangyari ang gusto niya, i would be the first one to leave her class. I WORKED WITHIN MY SCHEDULE AND HERE COMES A TEACHER WHO CANNOT LIVE UP TO THE GIVEN SCHEDULE AND RUIN MINE. bahala siya. pasimio or simon-king are good alternatives for such a teacher.
11. siyempre may nasagap akong MA-juice. hehehehehe. radar up again. toot. toot. toot. hehehehe. funny siya yet insightful.
12. first dinner out of the semester. kfc.

i'm looking forward to tomorrow. marami pang maaaring mangyari. it's my first time to have an official class starting at 12 nn. it's my first psych for the second sem tomorrow. it's my first PE for the second sem tomorrow (also my last). it's my first time to return to a department after an official complaint. it's my first time meeting with my head for the sem. it's my first time to attend an appeals for aclc. marami pang firsts tomorrow and i'm very much excited. i hope i maintain this excitement and energy for the rest of the sem.

ericka made a litany of hellos. let me make my own. hello cramming. hello sleepless nights. hello papers. hello long tests. hello. hello. hello.

sana marami rin akong masagap bukas.
RADAR UP!

ayt. sige. yun muna for the first day.

song entry: MYMP - tibok ng puso

2004-11-03T03:57:00.000+08:00

kung sinabi mo noon ako'y iyong mahal
di sana ay tayo na ang nagkatuluyan
at sinabi ko noon ikaw ang mahal ko
ito'y tapat at may dalang walang hanggang pangako

ngunit di nagkatotoo
may iba kang nakita
kaya't nakapagtataka
ba't ako'y hinahanap mo pa
kung tayo'y magkikitang muli
pwedeng magtanong sayo
ang tibok ba ng puso mo'y nagbago

kung sinabi mo noon ika'y may pagtingin
di sana ay wala nang makapaghadlang sa atin
at sinabi ko noon na ikaw lang ang mahal
ang nasa isip ko ito ay pagtataka

ngunit di nagkatotoo
may iba kang nakita
kayat nakapagtataka
ba't ako'y hinahanap mo pa
kung tayo'y magkikitang muli
pwedeng magtanong sayo
ang tibok ba ng puso mo'y nagbago

~ this group has managed to write and perform songs that brings "kilig" into the atmosphere. siguro dahil malamig ang boses ng lead singer pero i really love this song. "kung..." isang malaking kung.

yes... you're right. i'm still awake.

2004-11-03T03:49:00.000+08:00

hehehe. roughly four and a half hours before my semester officially begins, i am still awake. you can call it laziness or procrastination but i don't feel like sleeping yet. siguro my OCness is getting the better of me. madalas kasi na tuwing may gusto akong gawin, gusto ko nagagawa ko agad. so, as i was browsing through different blogs and LJs, i was able to see some of my friends who were blogging and i was able to read some entries.

something intrigued me... ayokong sabihin baka mahalatang alam ko. hehehe. si marky lang ang makakaintindi nitong information ko. sabi nga niya, something he learned in highschool. ako rin. ngayon, i'm using these skills to find out some information.

back in my filipino stallion days, i would hear it from our moderator: "****, i can read between the lines." yes, that memory is still vivid. the skill of reading between lines has been something that i have been mastering since high school. it's one of the best subtle ways of gathering information necessary for the beautiful and wonderful world of chismis. kapag walang magawa di ba? i think people would really think that this is starting to be a senseless entry.

medyo lang. i was just overwhelmed and amazed at something i just read from the blogs. hahaha. pwedeng akin na muna. sabihin ko na lang privately kung merong naiintriga. by reading between lines (actually medyo obvious nga eh), may natuklasan ako. sana lang hindi nagbabasa ng blog ang taong yun. hahahaha. oh well.

i just can't wait to go to school and start another sem. grrrr.... hehehe.

GOD's LOVE pa rin!

a new sem begins...

2004-11-03T01:48:00.000+08:00

in 7 and a half hours, i will start a new sem. ugh. how i wish i could extend my sembreak but that's life. and life is unfair. oh well. i have to live with it.

for this sem, let's see... i need to have resolutions. i know new year is not yet here but hey, there's nothing wrong with having my own list for the second sem.
1. minimize cuts. i miss a lot, and i mean A LOT, when i cut. remember, theo. hehe.
2. do homework or paper early.
3. wake up early. the difficult part here is that i love to use the free hours of the internet.
4. be with reliable groupmates.
5. i have to run some more. with a 3 hour straight schedule (BEL-KOSTKA-BEL), i think i need to run more.
6. study harder. i think i did less during the last sem.
7. MAGIS. i never thought i had this last sem.
8. start early. don't rely on the last minute.
9. one day at a time.
10. ENJOY LIFE! learning is everything. grades are nothing.

wala lang. i think i need this list to remind me that i need to improve lots of things from last sem. i regret not doing the best that i could. i should have gotten much better grades and probably, a slot in the dean's list. however, i did not exert much effort and i did not do well.

well, bukas na ulit. pasukan na naman at gaya ng nasabi, gusto kong pumasok ngunit ayoko pang mag-aral. hehehe. ayt!

as i type, the US is having their elections. i hope John Kerry wins. the US needs a president who thinks.

JARGON entry

2004-11-02T04:54:00.000+08:00

heto ang isang entry ng mga madalas na expressions na nagagamit sa araw-araw. susubukin bigyan ng kahulugan ngunit ang iba'y wala lang talagang kahulugan. masaya lang silang ipunin at kung babalikan, makikita kung kailan ito nagamit at kanino nagmula.

1. God's Love -- after the retreat, there's this feeling of overwhelming consolation na hindi mo alam kung sino ang gusto mong pasalamatan kaya ang sasabihin na lang namin, God's Love.
2. consolation -- spiritual movement that leads you closer to God
3. desolation -- spiritual movement that leads you away from God
4. kebs -- bahala na. wala akong pakialam.
5. kere (carry) -- ok ba? gwapo/maganda ba?
6. ayan eh -- galing kay aba. wala lang. reaction lang siya.
7. magnum silencium -- great silence. pang-retreat lang.
8. tantum quantum -- whatever works.
9. cba -- community building activity. pang-bonding.
10. choz/chika/chikee -- chika lang
11. okay... (sarcastic) -- talaga lang ha?
12. 3-2-1 -- top 3 sa community
13. distraction -- nakakagulo ng pagdarasal
14. fly -- alis na
15. shala -- sosyal

marami pa 'to at madadagdagan pa 'to sigurado. wala lang. i just want to keep track of these expressions as i grow up. hehe. cheezy di ba?

new GIMIK

2004-11-02T04:50:00.000+08:00

i'm thinking of a new gimik for my blog to improve my blogging and to add spice to my reflections. i came up with this idea. i'm going to type out many questions and pick one every evening and type my reaction/reflection. for example, what would i do if i were given a million dollars to spend in one day?

parang ganyan kaso gusto ko mga masasayang katanungan. i want to improve on critical thinking, reflecting and reacting towards issues, questions or situations.

pang-psychology talaga di ba? hehe.