inordered attachments

i'm surprised at myself. knowing that i'm a heart person, i'm the usually attached one. now, it seems like i am one of those who are really trained to see an attachment towards something and that this attachment hampers anyone's growth or in the ignatian sense, it interferes with being truly free such that God can work his way in us; can deepen his life within us.

sometimes, i wonder, though. when i really feel desolation towards attachments, am i just projecting? is this what i really feel? nagagalit ba ako sa attachment na nakikita ko o ako mismo ay attached? maybe i feel this way because i would usually want to feel needed, important, special. however, when i find myself seeing someone who would act and be the same, i'm usually frustrated or in some case, envious.

knowing myself now, i know, somewhat, when the feeling is really authentic. attachments that do interfere with God's deepening His life in us does not affect one person. it also affects other people, especially in the setting of a community. if one person is attached towards a thing, for example, an ambition, and sets his/her eyes on it, all of his/her decisions would revolve around that attachment. in the setting of a community, he/she will not be able to contribute if what he/she has to do does not involve that attachment.

just like letting go of someone you love but it does not really work out, i believe all attachments (inordered at the least) should go. for real consolation, easy or hard, to take place, these must go.

in line with that, i'm letting go of my inordered attachment, which is being a person always in control. baby steps towards my growth in God.

i'm sorry. i'm reaching out.
please. please. LET GO.