something to PONDER on

i know that this was the theme of my retreat:
julius, do you love me?
"yes, Lord, i love you."
then, let me love you.

but before i can let him love me, he asked me to remove all my attachments (my fears, my ambitions, my wants, every attachment that i could think of). he asked me to offer them to him for him to be able to love me better. i did. that's why this retreat has become my richest retreat ever.

that's why i've been carrying this after retreat. this has been my disposition and my starting point whenever i'm talking with someone or i'm sharing with someone. probably because in my experience of God's love, God just wants me to be detached that i may be his fully. but, after thinking about it, i just have questions that i need to ponder on.

1. why do i feel that i'm not that afraid? is this good or bad?
2. at the same time, why do i feel a sense of freedom?
3. is it good to bring this experience to other people?
4. will being free from attachments and fears help or hinder other people from receiving God's love?

sorry for the burden. i want to ask these questions in order to face myself that i show to others. is it genuine or am i just being too superficial? am i too idealistic at this point or somewhat being realistic?

oh well...

CAUGHT

well, here i am again
caught between many things.

where do i go now?
which side do i play?

nah... never mind.
let go. let go.
let God.

PSY 109.2 Laboratory

yehey. this lab has an internet connection once again.
i'm typing this illegally while my teacher is administering a test.
oh well...

i love psych. i'm actually enjoying this.

BEHAVE

Lord,
i beg for the grace that
i can behave myself
for i know that
sometimes i
tend to go
overboard.
Amen.

going back to WHAT'S important

today was a grace-filled day. after finishing my one and only class, i had a wonderful time bonding with my orgmates. but, something within me remains restless. i feel that i am doing something wrong.

what was it? i had no idea.
maybe, as i told myself, it is all about who i am in the org. the hub. the knowledge center. the "chismoso." i must admit that i am known for this and sometimes, i could not help it. i could not get myself detached from this want, sometimes from this need to know. but, after short walks with enzo and geoann, after caroling practice and during the leadership community meeting, i find myself looking at what is important.

in aclc, what is important and what is very beautiful is in the formation - a formation that leads me with the community to a relationship with God, a formation that allows me to receive God's love and a formation that asks me to share these graces.

i find myself going back to what's important and i pray to God that as i venture on this new semester, i ask the Father to grant me this grace of remembering what is most important in my being an aclcer. now, i feel enriched and rejuvenated from an eventful sembreak - a sembreak that led me to question myself as i do things. hanggang patuloy ang pagpapabagabag ng mga tanong na ito, heto ang isang siguradong bagay na kaya kong panghawakan: ang aking formation bilang isang aclcer.

God's LOVE!

and then after REG

oh the usual REGISTRATION blues.

good thing i did not prepare any ideal schedule for this coming semester because it was hell during reg. it was quite quick than expected but it was still slow. of course, because of my really ugly number 410 (as if i've ever gotten a better number), i came face to face with the worst schedule of my entire life.

MONDAY and WEDNESDAY
730 - 830 social psychology (jopie nolasco)
* for a nice subject and a good teacher, i got an ugly schedule. ugh. STRUGGLE! i will have to wake up very early for this one. i hate it.

TUESDAY
900 - 1030 history 165: rizal (fr. jose arcilla)
1030 - 1200 psychological testing (dr. boboy alianan)
1330 - 1500 philosophy 102 (precious de joya)

THURSDAY
900 - 1030 history 165: rizal (fr. jose arcilla)
1030 - 1200 psychological testing (dr. boboy alianan)
1330 - 1500 philosophy 102 (precious de joya)
1630 - 1930 industrial/organizational psychology (joy calleja)
*i'm scared because of fr. arcilla and the thursday schedule. i will try my best to work my way to load rev this ugly schedule and try to get rid of arcilla. hehehe. i don't know because i have two same teachers from last sem. i have a good reputation with precious but not with alianan.

FRIDAY
730 - 830 social psychology (jopie nolasco)
1230 - 1630 psychological testing lab (dr. boboy alianan)
* oh well...

but in fairness, i don't have a saturday class so i'm a normal student once again. sayang nga lang kasi ok daw si weevens ty. oh well. saka, napansin ko na nawala lahat ng class ko ng beyond 4:30. well, for MW, duh? for TTh, nawala lahat sila. so pwede akong magconcentrate sa carolling. haha.

there. my sembreak ends tonight. tomorrow, AREA and then, i sleep early. ugh.

IT'S OVER!!!

nope. not the sembreak.

grabeng sembreak 'to. it has brought me to really great heights. as of the moment, i still could not swallow all that has happened to me. i'm thankful for all of them, though. i thank God for bringing me here and now and allowing me to feel his love.

it's over. it's out. everyone, now, knows.

DAMAGE control

it suddenly occurred to me that i need to do damage control.

knowing too much inovles too big a responsibility. i'm very guilty with the mishandling i have done most of the time and now, i've tried to control myself more by transforming these information into a means to help people face themselves fully. aside from just plain information, a person reveals himself through these details. i want them to see what i see and just be true to who they are, what they feel and what is very much important to them.

now, i'm having big problems. i'm going to do damage control over information that lingers around the community. the problem is once two people is involved and the other party does not have any idea about what the other party has admitted to and this information is out, it will cause a great damage not only to the friendship but also, to the community.

hay nakoh. being an oldie and being a very aclc-loving individual, i need to do this.
please help me out.

p.s. i will publish my juniors' outing reflection once it is finished. haha. gustong-gusto ko na siyang ipublish noh. hehehe.

hindi ko kinaya...

THIS IS ONE HELL OF A ROLE.
now, i'm drained... totally.

hay... PAG-IBIG

heto na naman kami.
i'm sure you know what i mean.
everybody is into this frenzy called love.

and what about me?
i'm just their spectator.