graces from ASIA PACIFIC CLC

yesterday marked the end of the asia pacific convention of the christian life community. i experienced the last day of the event. when we arrived at the convention center, they were having their final mass and it was the offertory part, wherein they are offering the graces they received. it was just so appropriate since i feel that i'm harvesting graces from the last week.

there were two major graces that i received.

1. i feel that i'm very proud to be filipino. i realized how much we can give to the world given what we can do as a people and as a nation. no matter how much negativity there is in our government or in our international image, we are still blessed as a people. God still gives us the graces we need and we should think of ways how we can be more of service to Him as a people.
2. i'm very proud to be an aclcer but apart from that, the AP meet, gave me a bigger view of what it means to be a clcer. God's work in the world is not yet done and we're still invited to join Him as co-creators for His greater glory.

there.

on the side, moreover, i realized how much i did not listen to God in my prayers, which prevented me from trusting Him a lot. inasmuch as i would like to have everything under my control, i realized how imperfect i am and that i should trust Him more. there i realized that those i have been tempted to control were already okay. now, i am seeing with new eyes.

your faith has saved you

i got the title of this blog from the gospel awhile ago. the only thing i realized after mass is that i need to have faith in God more. what hit me further is the song version of prayer for generosity. damn... can't i trust more? where's the faith?

also, i am in consolation today after two bigwigs of the world clc visited our room. it was nice to know people from other ends of the world who share the same way of life as yours and what hit me is how they see hope in us, the youth, the young clc. it was a wonderful experience sharing with them different ways to live the same faith and the same way of life. i wish i could go to the convention of the asia pacific region. on the side, though, i could not believe how good i've become in speaking in english. hehehe...

well... last note. i have received news that one of my high school classmates was involved in a car accident in canada last saturday. honestly, i was shocked and i could not believed what had happened. but now, i found myself signing a scrapbook that will hopefully reach him there saying how much we have been praying for his speedy recovery.

rem, wherever you are (i know that there is this minute chance that you will read this entry), we, your classmates in h4c, are praying for your recovery. we are always here for you, no matter what you are going through and be strong because God loves us very much and he will never leave us. i know for a fact that he will never leave us.

damn... life is short and we must take care of it and live each and every single minute of it to the full.

PASKONG kay INIT

well, what's with the topic? in my organization, i consider christmas to be a season not only of cold weather, christmas lights and caroling, but also it is a season of love. Christmas reminds me of love, but not just the love that the baby symbolized but also, the love that makes babies. hehe. Kidding aside, so far, it is just the beginning of the school year and damn, it's hot. but even though the weather will never remind me of christmas, everything that has been happening reminds me of the season of love and joy.

i don't want to give much information because i was entrusted with this. but, i would like to shout to the world how love fills our organization at this early point of our school year. hehe. ayan... pasko na naman ba?

---

by the way, i am somewhat scared but renewed. i have my reservations but i will be more confrontational and upfront when it comes to our formation. serious na 'to. i believe God deserves the best and nothing else.

IT'S BACK

yes!!! i am now able to post again. because of my oc-ness, i had a hard time updating this blog. so what's up? tomorrow will begin the end of my college life. it's my last first day. yey. emotions are mixed - excited, worried, anxious, joyful and hopeful.

tomorrow, it's the first day. what do i expect? not much. it would just be the same going-to-class attitude but now, we have a solid tambayan for aclc. i have a home to go to every class and luckily, classes are not far away. sec c is the farthest. YES! so far, ugly random numbers never became an impediment to having a good class.

this sem... the schedule is almost the same as last school year's first sem... kaso may 730 na naman ako. ugh.

mwf (one class lang... baka masanay ako!!!)
psy 112 thesis, 1130-1230 in CSR, dr. cristina montiel

tth
psy 113 abnormal psychology, 730-830 in k302, dr. isabel melgar
th 151 christian commitment, 1330-1500 in f116, dr. arnie clamor
hi 165 philippine history, 1500-1630 in sec c201, mr. henry totanes
ph 104 ethics, 1630-1800 in f117, mr. ranil hermida

sat
is 136.3 human resource development, 900-1200, ms. kristina perez

gawdluck!

LECTURES and ONELINERS

most of the time, these days, in an effort to be more sensitive and caring and to transform my image from the knowledgeable-possible-blackmailer to a knowledgeable-kind-helper type, i have developed a certain inkling towards giving advice or short "lectures." yes... yes... to those psych majors hanging around, i know giving advice is wrong but i'm looking at it not as a psychologist but as a friend and a part of the community. i would usually open with a line that goes, "i invoke the right of fraternal correction."

here is one of my one-liners:
"there is a clear difference between admitting to yourself how you really feel and what you are going to do about it."

admission is one painstaking process that one must go through, especially when the feeling is love. before we could go through with anything, we must be certain of what is going on within. then, you will stand up and fight for this admitted feeling. doing something about it is a whole different story all together.

there there.

SUPRISE surprise!

actually, i'm quite surprised that i haven't blogged for 1 month now. well, i don't blame myself. for one thing, everytime i get to finish a successful entry, my computer would restart and unfortunately, the entry was not saved. another reason is the really, and i mean REALLY, heavy workload for me at least - aclc, ateneo, everything. it does not seem very obvious that i have tons of work to do because i'm a type b person and i seem to be in control but i think everything is taking its toll on me. whooooo... relax. one day at a time.

what's keeping me busy lately? everything. it's the whole discernment thing going on in my org. you know, discernment does not limit you to the decision you have to make. it involves everything about you as a person. you have to break down every single piece of yourself before you can make a sound discernment and that is exactly how i feel now. i feel that i'm slowly tearing myself apart and looking at myself piece by piece.

another thing, too many issues are circulating and too many things are going on in the lives of my friends. the only consolation i get is in talking to people i really love talking with. enzo, geoann, kevin, chel, and the list goes on. but, for the past week, thank you for bringing consolation into my heart.

more stress are coming my way. i can feel it. i can sense it. oh well...
ONE DAY AT A TIME!

just a quote from my guide:
"feelings and heartaches are easier to bear when you know that you have to bear them." - kris ambrocio

IMPULSE

well, i have seen myself lecturing on this topic for the past month, might as well...

impulse - my definition: an immediate reaction.
impulsive - my definition: someone who does something out of his/her immediate reaction; reflex; usually, he/she acts before he/she thinks.

actually, this topic is very simple. i am impulsive. i am aware of that. however, there is something in me, now, that allows me to be more careful when it comes to being impulsive. i would often find myself in a difficult situation when i act out of impulse.

probably, we tell ourselves that it is human nature that we act out of these immediate reactions. for example, after a terrible date, a couple would decide to call it quits. as exaggerated as it may sound, this is a perfect example of impulse. no one thinks. contrary to the human nature that many people may claim, i think that there are many ways to fight this being impulsive.

one strategy i use is trying to look at the big picture. sidenote: i apply this to myself and to the people i usually share thoughts with. using the example i used above, when we look at its big picture, we can see that the couple just had a terrible date. this date may have caused frustrations but it does not justify for an immediate break-up. in these cases, i would hear rationalizations on how this might be a glimpse of the relationship. of course that is not true! when we look at the big picture, the couple should ask themselves: what do we have together? it would usually mean, a commitment to be with each other and to love each other. afterwards, they should ask themselves: does an isolated date carry enough weight to justify a break-up? how come? from here, people would usually see things more clearly.

what i mean here is in impulse, we're clouded by everything and anything under the sun. thus, our actions would tend to throw out or to take in EVERYTHING and ANYTHING under the sun. it's like the saying "throwing the baby with the bathwater." we easily conclude and thus, act based on this conclusion. we should be wary about this and try to avoid being impulsive as much as possible.

because in the end, impulsive behaviors have a tendency to be dangerous and hurting not only to oneself but most especially, to other people.

we don't want that, do we?

too BUSY to BLOG

hay.

heto na naman ang pahirapan sa pagblog dahil marami akong ginagawa. actually, puro caroling ang inaasikaso ko. mahirap maghead. matindi-tinding commitment ang kinakailangan tapos hindi ka pa dapat sobrang uptight pero hindi nawawala ang firmness.

henakoh.

something to PONDER on

i know that this was the theme of my retreat:
julius, do you love me?
"yes, Lord, i love you."
then, let me love you.

but before i can let him love me, he asked me to remove all my attachments (my fears, my ambitions, my wants, every attachment that i could think of). he asked me to offer them to him for him to be able to love me better. i did. that's why this retreat has become my richest retreat ever.

that's why i've been carrying this after retreat. this has been my disposition and my starting point whenever i'm talking with someone or i'm sharing with someone. probably because in my experience of God's love, God just wants me to be detached that i may be his fully. but, after thinking about it, i just have questions that i need to ponder on.

1. why do i feel that i'm not that afraid? is this good or bad?
2. at the same time, why do i feel a sense of freedom?
3. is it good to bring this experience to other people?
4. will being free from attachments and fears help or hinder other people from receiving God's love?

sorry for the burden. i want to ask these questions in order to face myself that i show to others. is it genuine or am i just being too superficial? am i too idealistic at this point or somewhat being realistic?

oh well...

CAUGHT

well, here i am again
caught between many things.

where do i go now?
which side do i play?

nah... never mind.
let go. let go.
let God.

PSY 109.2 Laboratory

yehey. this lab has an internet connection once again.
i'm typing this illegally while my teacher is administering a test.
oh well...

i love psych. i'm actually enjoying this.

BEHAVE

Lord,
i beg for the grace that
i can behave myself
for i know that
sometimes i
tend to go
overboard.
Amen.

going back to WHAT'S important

today was a grace-filled day. after finishing my one and only class, i had a wonderful time bonding with my orgmates. but, something within me remains restless. i feel that i am doing something wrong.

what was it? i had no idea.
maybe, as i told myself, it is all about who i am in the org. the hub. the knowledge center. the "chismoso." i must admit that i am known for this and sometimes, i could not help it. i could not get myself detached from this want, sometimes from this need to know. but, after short walks with enzo and geoann, after caroling practice and during the leadership community meeting, i find myself looking at what is important.

in aclc, what is important and what is very beautiful is in the formation - a formation that leads me with the community to a relationship with God, a formation that allows me to receive God's love and a formation that asks me to share these graces.

i find myself going back to what's important and i pray to God that as i venture on this new semester, i ask the Father to grant me this grace of remembering what is most important in my being an aclcer. now, i feel enriched and rejuvenated from an eventful sembreak - a sembreak that led me to question myself as i do things. hanggang patuloy ang pagpapabagabag ng mga tanong na ito, heto ang isang siguradong bagay na kaya kong panghawakan: ang aking formation bilang isang aclcer.

God's LOVE!

and then after REG

oh the usual REGISTRATION blues.

good thing i did not prepare any ideal schedule for this coming semester because it was hell during reg. it was quite quick than expected but it was still slow. of course, because of my really ugly number 410 (as if i've ever gotten a better number), i came face to face with the worst schedule of my entire life.

MONDAY and WEDNESDAY
730 - 830 social psychology (jopie nolasco)
* for a nice subject and a good teacher, i got an ugly schedule. ugh. STRUGGLE! i will have to wake up very early for this one. i hate it.

TUESDAY
900 - 1030 history 165: rizal (fr. jose arcilla)
1030 - 1200 psychological testing (dr. boboy alianan)
1330 - 1500 philosophy 102 (precious de joya)

THURSDAY
900 - 1030 history 165: rizal (fr. jose arcilla)
1030 - 1200 psychological testing (dr. boboy alianan)
1330 - 1500 philosophy 102 (precious de joya)
1630 - 1930 industrial/organizational psychology (joy calleja)
*i'm scared because of fr. arcilla and the thursday schedule. i will try my best to work my way to load rev this ugly schedule and try to get rid of arcilla. hehehe. i don't know because i have two same teachers from last sem. i have a good reputation with precious but not with alianan.

FRIDAY
730 - 830 social psychology (jopie nolasco)
1230 - 1630 psychological testing lab (dr. boboy alianan)
* oh well...

but in fairness, i don't have a saturday class so i'm a normal student once again. sayang nga lang kasi ok daw si weevens ty. oh well. saka, napansin ko na nawala lahat ng class ko ng beyond 4:30. well, for MW, duh? for TTh, nawala lahat sila. so pwede akong magconcentrate sa carolling. haha.

there. my sembreak ends tonight. tomorrow, AREA and then, i sleep early. ugh.