refurnished LAYOUT

yehey. got time to fix this layout. yahoo!
oh. by the way, our music video is out. can't wait to see it.
porqi out.

beautiful POEM from a friend's BLOG

Missing the Hill

Down from the Hill
Down to the world go I
Armed only with will
And passion to live and die
How scary the world is below
Where we were carefully thrown
To go forth, spread, and to follow
The path each has on his own
Silent steps thread on land
Now solely we carry our cross
Through hot, wet or bouldered sand
We make our way across
Gathering strength from Lord above
We take it day by day
The mission to go forth and to love
In every simple way
Behind us where we took our fill
We hear a jubilant sigh
'Cause slowly now, down from the Hill
Down to the world go I

~ nice noh? visit her poetry blog.

when LOVING means LETTING GO

katatapos ko lang manood ng boston public. the episode featured the relationship between a teacher and a student that became more of a parent-child relationship. i won't elaborate on the episode but it zeroed in on the death of that student in iraq as a soldier. steven harper, after hearing the news, felt crushed for that student was like his son. and the story went on.

after watching, i found myself wiping my face of tears.

it's funny how a series of events, though they may not be connected at all, may lead you at one direction. i find myself in that situation. at this particular moment, after much reflection and introspection, i realize that these events point to this particular theme.

when loving means letting go.

such a cliche. lagi kong naririnig ang statement na'to tuwing pinag-uusapan ang pag-ibig na involved ang kilig. sasabihin nila na if you love that person, you must be ready to let go, especially if it means his/her growth or better yet, happiness. paulit-ulit na lang, di ba? lagi na lang ganito ang sinasabi sa atin, para bang hinahanda tayo sa maaaring pag-alis ng taong pinagbuhusan natin ng atensyon at pagmamahal.

ngunit, kahit cliche siya, kailangang harapin ang katotohanan kasi pag umabot tayo doon, wala tayong magawa kundi bansagan ang ating mga sarili bilang mga martir. ngunit, hindi naman tayo likas na bayani, lalo na't likas na santo kaya bakit tayo magiging martir? nagkataon umabot tayo sa punto kung saan sinusubok ang ating pagtataya. hanggang saan natin kayang magbigay? hanggang sa puntong kaya mo nang ibigay lahat maging ang kanyang kalayaan?

tanong: bakit pa ako magtataya sa simula't simula pa lang? e kung wala rin naman palang kasiguraduhan hetong papasukin ko, bakit pa? sayang naman ang gugugulin kong panahon at pagkakataon sa kanya.

PAGTATAYA. parang sugal lang yan eh. commitment. sa sugal, tumataya ka sapagkat nagbabakasakali kang mananalo, ngunit sa likuran ng iyong pag-iisip, alam mong may posibilidad na matatalo ka. ganoon talaga. bigay lang nang bigay dahil dito ka talagang tumutubo at hindi ka lang naman nagtaya para sa sarili mo kundi maging ang buhay niya ay tinayaan mo. nagtaya ka para sa kanya. sisiguraduhin mong tumutubo ka. gayundin, sisiguraduhin mong tumutubo siya.

ganun ang pagmamahal eh. pero hindi lang ito para sa pagibig sa pagitan ng lalaki at babae. pati sa magulang at anak, sa magkakaibigan, sa isang samahan. PAGTATAYA ang hinihingi. pagsusugal sa pamamagitan ng pagbibigay ng sarili para sa pagtubo hindi lamang ng isa kundi ng lahat.

naalala ko lang dito ang Diyos. nagtaya siya sa tao dahil mahal niya ngunit alam niyang maaari siyang talikuran nito. pero, di niya ito inalintana. nagmahal siya. nagtaya siya. hanggang saan ang kanyang pagtataya? hanggang sa pagbibigay ng kalayaan sa ating mahalin siya pabalik. ganun.

dito pumapasok ang napanood ko kanina at mga pinagdaanan ko. i've realized the value of commitment as a central factor in experiencing real and genuine love. ngunit hindi lang basta-bastang pagtataya. tunay na pagtataya ang hinihingi. isang pagtatayang kayang magbigay ng lahat kahit pa kalayaan ng iyong pinagtatayaan. mahirap. masakit. kaso, nagmahal ka. pinasok mo yan kaya kailangang tanggapin.

gusto ko lang sabihin na napupuno lang ako ng tunay na pagdanas sa tunay na kahulugan ng pagtataya. lahat ng nangyayari sa akin sa mga nakaraang araw ay nakaturo sa direksyong iyon. marami sa mga nabasa ko, sa mga napanood ko, sa mga naranasan ko, patungo rito -- sa pagtataya. pero hindi lang pang-unawa ang taglay ko, mayroon din akong mga karagdagang tanong. hindi ko naman susubuking sagutin.

paano kung umabot sa puntong pati ang buhay ng isa ay kasali? handa pa ba tayong magtaya sa ganoong pagkakataon? paano kung sa simula't simula pa lamang ay alam mong hindi na siya magtataya sa'yo? magtataya ka pa ba? paano kung kailangan mong pumili ng pagtatayaan na hindi mo pwedeng pagsabayin? paano ka pipili? sa pinakakaunting sakit na maidudulot sa'yo o sa mas matimbang sa puso mo? mahirap sagutin pero patuloy na pinagninilayan.

when loving means letting go.

"at kung hindi man dumating sa'tin ang panahon, na ako ay mahalin mo rin. asahan mong di ako magdaramdam, kahit ako ay masasaktan. huwag mo lang ipagkait na ikaw ay aking mahalin" - walang kapalit ni rey valera

EXAMEN opening prayer

LORD.
help me see, know and understand myself
the way You see, know and understand me.
amen.

seriously.

i noticed that i haven't had really serious and personal entries ever since this computer mishap took place. i would like to take this opportunity to go back on track. pardon me, readers, i write better serious stuff if it's in filipino.

---

tunggalian
ni: jules

agawan ng dalawa
napapagitna
hindi sigurado
laging nababagabag
hindi makakiling
dahil may maiiwan
may masasaktan
heto sa gitna
malabo
magulo.

ngunit sa huli,
kailangang pumili.

~ hindi na masyado akong magdaragdag ng paliwanag. gusto ko lang manumbalik ang aking kasiglahan sa pagkatha.

---

LSS ko lang:

HALE - kung wala ka

natapos na ang lahat
nandito pa rin ako
hetong nakatulala
sa mundo, sa mundo

di mo maiisip
di mo makikita
mga pangarap ko
para sa'yo, para sa'yo

ooh...
hindi ko maisip
kung wala ka
ooh...
sa buhay ko

nariyan ka pa ba
di ka na matanaw
kung merong madaraanang
pasulong, pasulong

ooh...
hindi ko maisip
kung wala ka
ooh...
sa buhay ko

sundan mo
ang paghimig na lulan
na aking pinagtatanto
sundan mo
ang paghimig ko

ooh...
hindi ko maisip
kung wala ka
ooh...
sa buhay ko

~ yes.

i WELCOME my computer BACK

ugh. how i miss blogging inside the comforts of my own home, typing my thoughts on my own computer and looking at the blogsite from my own monitor. wow, good thing this damn computer got fixed (i don't know if it really did not work in the first place). the much more personal aspect of my thoughts and feelings would be more apparent because of this new development.

SALAMAT ayos na COMPUTER KO!
yehey. clap clap clap clap.

WELCOME newbies

i'm really sorry if i haven't blogged. kaya sabug-sabog ang mga entries ko. weheheh. ngayon ko lang maitatype yung aking entry after orsem.

i consider this year's orsem as the best i had so far. WHY? many reasons.
1. it was light and i felt that we really did our best as a community. everybody had a stake in our activity.
2. todo bonding kami ng lahat ng nagprepare for it and i was witness to the blood, sweat and tears that was contributed for the activity to be fun and exciting for the newbies.
3. i really found God in the experience. sobra lang siyang grace-filled.
4. wala lang. naoverwhelm lang ako kasi ang galing ng aclc.
5. CONGRATS LLOYD! you were an excellent project head!

yun. graces from the weekend. kahit nakakapagod, fun siya and punung-puno ng grasya. i really felt the energy and the love that the aclcers poured out. woohoo. that's the way of life!

special mention: GIAN, pinaiyak mo ako. ganda ng sharing mo. pag mabasa mo'to, paemail. hehe.

yun lang. kung mababasa ito ng mga newbies,
WELCOME to ACLC from the bottom of my heart, who has always been with ACLC and the CLC way of life all these years! WELCOME to the COMMUNITY that i learned to love and i hope you learn to love it too! WELCOME to the WAY OF LIFE that i am excited to share and live out with you! i really hope and pray that you would stay and have fun living our way of life.

GO ACLC!

CONSOLING day

ang sarap ng feeling na handa ka sa exam and at the same time, hindi ka tense at relaxed na relaxed ka. yup, that's my feeling today. i'm very grateful that i really am prepared and am ready for the tests i took today.

hindi ako nastress at hindi rin ako napagod. in fact, natutuwa pa nga ako. although may parts na hindi ako confident, i still felt that i did well in my tests, because i studied. hahaha.

THANK YOU GOD!
THANK YOU FOR THIS DAY!
I JUST FELT THAT I HAD ONE CONSOLING DAY.

my OFFICIAL statement

since this past few days many people and groups have stated their own stands regarding the president of this country, let me make my own stand.

after much discernment and data gathering, i have come to the conclusion that our president, Mrs. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo should make the supreme sacrifice of relinquishing her office to her constitutional successor.

my explanation and recommendation will come after. if ever i'm going to be asked, without prejudice to mrs. president since the tapes were not authenticated and the jueteng scandal was not proven to have a direct link to her, i'm still going to ask her to resign. as of now, whether we like it or not, the people are really dissatisfied with her actions and her governance. for the peace and unity of the country, let it begin with the president because this is just the beginning. if she decides to hang on to the position, the more division, chaos and political bickering will emerge and i don't think the country could handle those anymore.

thank you and mabuhay ang pilipinas.

i'm SICK of being SICK

i really don't like being sick.

i find it weird that dice wants to be and loves being sick. but I DON'T. imagine: cold, chilly evenings, high temperature of my body, clogged nose, bad case of cough and really painful headache. i couldn't even move from my bed to the comfort room.

ugh.

ayoko nang magkasakit. mahirap. halos isang linggo na akong useless at walang pakinabang. dapat marami akong inaasikaso subalit dahil may sakit nga ako, wala. walang-wala akong magawa. ni hindi ako makaisip nang tuwid. huhuhuhu.

pero, i appreciated the time that i had to relax and stay home. minsan, masarap lang humiga at magpahinga, umuwi nang maaga at matulog. ngunit, hindi ako makakain nang maayos. aah. sige na nga, i'll stop this stupid ranting. gusto ko lang ishare na mahirap magkasakit pero buti na lang nagkasakit na ako kasi wala pa masyadong long exams. hehehe.